Our “hotwife path” up till now. Pls advise what’s next

Hi

About ten years ago my wife was where you are now She was around 40 and like you had never had anyone but me.We had four kids were quite conservative in our lifestyle no partying or anything like that though not at all religious and quite liberal. I read about cuckolding and got excited. My wife wore trousers every day pretty much a conservative don’t touch mum. I started talking about her wearing skirts and so on not thinking this would ever happen. I cannot remember when she bought her first skirt but it started to happen. She started buying skirts and stockings heels thongs as if they were going out of fashion. She changed into a hotwife and started attracting men. Eventually she found a bull and still has him ( see my latest posting ) Believe it or not I took it very very badly I could not handle what I had helped create I was moving from a straight woman who had never had sex with anyone but me to a hotwife who flirted with loads and was having sex with at least one. I had no means psychologically to deal with this . I still saw my wife as the straight woman she was I can tell you it near drove me insane in the respect I could not believe what was happening. It ranged from almost grieving the wife I once had to excitement for the woman I was with. My wife coupled her dressing with exercising with weights. She is a lady with lovely large breasts and these did not diminish with exercise so she ended up with a slim frame and nice full firm breasts which when all squeezed into a body con dress looked amazing. I went through years of pain pleasure moments and soul searching I could not abide the other man having what was mine for free He probably had a great but boring wife but filled the gap with my wife holding his marriage together a sort of ” thanks mate ” sort of moment I felt like the world’s greatest fool why had I done this why create this wonderful woman to be enjoyed by men who done nothing to deserve her. Then it sort of dropped I did not create this woman I merely provided the environment for her to be herself If she really were a straight woman she would not have dressed to attract. She wanted the attention and revelled in it. She also loved me for letting her she chose the man she was having sex with. My advice is she will only become a hotwife if she wants to there are many women who would never consider such a journey but can you handle it if it happens you have been the only man in her life can you let her have another. You may go through years of pain it may not work, the attention she is getting from others may be more than you are providing, you may withdraw and give her less attention , I did that’s how it affected me I couldn’t live initially with the attention she was getting from men as young as 18 to men as old as 70 and everywhere in between. It is difficult to compete with the attention which is given to the new hotwife. Eventually she may settle down into a new her a sexually confident woman settled at a higher level of sexuality than where she is now but lower than her initial hotwife phase but that will take years you need to be prepared for that.If you ask my advice I would say don’t go down this road immediately. The fact you want your wife to dress more sexually may be because your attraction for her is diminishing. That may be down to stress maybe work related issues , tiredness and so on. She has kids to look after maybe that takes attention away from thinking about herself. You may feel she is not as sexual but this my be because she is tired etc. She may take your desire to dress her as an insult she will not tell you that but it may hurt her. Women generally believe men should be interested in them because of who they are after all men cannot dress up to be more attractive and think of it this way if your wife wanted you to be a hotman and get abs and so on how would you take that…………………….exactly that you are not good enough as you are. And say you did get abs and dress in some hotman sort of way and attracted women and acted on it how do you think you would feel towards your rather ordinary wife who wanted you to be like this. My advice is to spend a lot of naked intimate time together re exploring each other and your love for one another forget hotwife clothes and so on for a while see what happens Do something different go to an opera take up new interests together. Women like everyone else want love and attention and want you to make them feel worthy in themselves. They want to know they are sexy to you just as they are. You may say that is rich coming form a man with a hotwife , yes it is but I have found after all the hotwifery that my wife still just wanted me to want her as she is and after suffering the humiliation of almost loosing her to another man after seeing and still having to witness another man have some of her I now at last can enjoy her just for who she is This took ten years so a word of caution .

We are both 50 and married for over 25 years. A year ago during a bottle of wine we discussed fantasies. I admitted to her that I had strong urges and desire to see her take on new lovers. During this discussion I let her know that if she had ever been with another man I would love to hear the details. Her reply was “that’s ancient history” why start looking for things to fight about. I let her know that her statement was an admission and that it aroused me immensely. I took her to the bedroom and undressed her. I turned off the lights and lay next to her. In the darkness I caressed her and let her know that she had just fulfilled a fantasy of mine. I asked her for the honor of the details. She admitted at that point that she had submitted to a handful of lovers over the years. She started by telling me about the first time. The details were amazing especially considering it was only one year in to our marriage. I have since learned of 7 different men over the years some who had regular couplings with her. Thinking we were heading to divorce court I suggested she look at a different option. We have discussed a cuckold relationship at length. Kay is now dressing differently, letting me take her to restaurants and clubs and she is being hit on regularly. We were nervous as two kids as we invited her first lover to our home. It was a vanilla affair. They made out on our couch, fondled and undressed each other. At my request it moved to our marital bed. At her request I remained silent, at a distance and dressed. As coitus was achieved in our bed, and her obvious pleasure came to the surface our moment of reality was here. I have never satisfied her sexually and her extra marital trysts over the years pleasured her as I was never able to. This night turned out to be a one night stand. We lost contact. We are both wanting to find a regular lover(s) or boyfriend(s) for her. looking for like minded folks for guidance.

I think Nigel and Mark share brilliant reflections here-the right detail, that highlights that a cuck relationship starts from different places. But Thomas you’re at a really arousing and tricky moment now maybe. It could be so easy to push this along really fast and to set up more and more opportunities for the lady to cuck you. What I sense is required though is supportive, calm, interested and sincere conviction on your part-showing that you truly do want her to have the freedom to fuck elsewhere and that you will adore her if she does feel happy doing that. In my experience three reassurances need to be gently conveyed, as and when the conversation opportunities present (best I think when you are making love, especially if you give head).

a. This is a lady’s pleasure thing, she gets all the choices and the pleasures and you will remain devoted to her. Women are so brought up on the fair’s fair principle, sauce for goose and sauce for the gander etc, that they cannot believe that you really want her to have charge of sex and are willing to go without yourself. They worry that if they fuck around so will you. They want YOU to be there for them, so the interest in unequal sexual rights needs to be gently confirmed a few times.

b. That this isn’t some cheap voyeur thing and that you accept that she may fuck elsewhere. I know some others insist that you have to convey expectations here, a tit for tat pleasure thing, seeing in return for supporting her sex life. But all my instincts tell me that a lot of women want their extra marital sex private first off. They are deeply concerned about showcasing sex, either because they think this whore like, or because they worry they can’t do it, or because they worry they will love it too much and lose your respect. My own recommendation is that she is granted full choice on this pro temp, and only when she is confidently enjoying sex with her lover, do you edge towards something back in return. Licking exercised pussy comes first. She wants you guys separate for now. Remember how huge a psychological change this is for her. Having your cake and eat it! She won’t believe it at first.

c. That you will talk often and whenever she wants. She wants this to be firmly consensual. This is especially true as regards older women, who are sometimes just a bit more conservative about the lifestyle. They feel that their instincts are a pandoras box and wonder what on earth might happen if they open same. So you need gently, consistently, to affirm that you love what she is exploring, the kisses and the other opportunities. One way to do this is to write a letter confirming how sexy you find this, inviting her to take life’s pleasures. Arrange to re sign and date it every month, so that she can recheck that you mean what you say. Meantime, encourage her to socialise with girlfriends, when she talks about interesting other men she meets, show you quiet approval. Take an interest in how she describes them and say something like, ‘I love it. If you want to go with him, then you should. You deserve it and I love you.’ Notice the mix, assurance and love. If you get it right she feels incredibly cherished.

Hope that this helps in some way. Jezz

Extra thought Thomas. If your lady reviews cuckolding websites and the like, she could quickly get the impression that only supermodels and porn queens can be cuckoldresses. Nothing could be further from the truth. I don’t know whether she has a great figure etc, but cuckolding is a lifestyle need and choice. Older ladies, bigger ladies, all sorts of ladies can enjoy this, finding the right sort of lovers for them. What defines cuckolding is how people think and feel, not whether they are a pin up girl or bloke. This is about choosing to live differently, boldly and very affectionately. This sort of point is rarely made, so I had to add it! Jezz

This has been very helpful… My husband and I have been together since high school.. 30 yrs to be exact… We started exploring alternative lifestyles about a year ago..through a swingers site. We had a couple of play dates and lots of conversations. We’ve discovered that its much harder to get the female partner of relationships to buy in to the swinger life. Our interest in hotwifing developed as an outcome from  some threesomes and the fact that couples were hard to come by..(translation..husband. wasn’t getting much action) my husband confessed that h

When watching me with these other men he had mixed emotions.. Dismay and jealousy but also lust and desire… We have found that he likes to hear about my dates (I’ve only had a couple) and is horny as hell when I get home.. I’m a little unsure on where to go from here…because he’s had these varying feelings I’m hesitant to be too descriptive but then he says he isn’t “getting anything ” from the arrangement.. How do you know if hotwifing is something he really enjoys and what can we do to I sure that we booth get what we need out of the relationship. Thanks 

@Mihotwi said:
This has been very helpful… My husband and I have been together since high school.. 30 yrs to be exact… We started exploring alternative lifestyles about a year ago..through a swingers site. We had a couple of play dates and lots of conversations. We’ve discovered that its much harder to get the female partner of relationships to buy in to the swinger life. Our interest in hotwifing developed as an outcome from  some threesomes and the fact that couples were hard to come by..(translation..husband. wasn’t getting much action) my husband confessed that h

When watching me with these other men he had mixed emotions.. Dismay and jealousy but also lust and desire… We have found that he likes to hear about my dates (I’ve only had a couple) and is horny as hell when I get home.. I’m a little unsure on where to go from here…because he’s had these varying feelings I’m hesitant to be too descriptive but then he says he isn’t “getting anything ” from the arrangement.. How do you know if hotwifing is something he really enjoys and what can we do to I sure that we booth get what we need out of the relationship. Thanks 

I think you need to have a long deep conversation. See it sounds like to me, you two wanted to be swingers and he wanted to get action too but was not getting it. I personally feel this is why you see many couples who become swingers fail because they went into it thinking they both would get action, or have threesomes/ swap and so on and it can turn into a competition or resentment because you are getting laid and he is not when you go to a swinger party or event. 

This is only my observation as my wife and I have been to many swingers clubs and events, although we have always made it clear it is about her pleasure, and the pleasure I get out of her enjoying herself. See I never wanted action or to get anything out of it sexually. Sure I enjoy it when I do but I enjoy more the mental pleasure I get and the physical pleasure I get from my wife. That makes her a hotwife and me a cuckold. We are not swingers and in fact have agreed that I do not have sex with other women even at swinger events unless my wife initiates it…… funny though becuase that has not happened :). We do enjoy the occasional MMF threesome though. 

Not sure if this helps?