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uxorious
Last week I was leaving the house in the morning to go to work. It was a rare morning when both kids and my wife were all still asleep. I went in to kiss my wife good bye, and she woke up a little bit. She kissed me back and said “I had a dream I cheated on you….sorry”. I was dumbstruck. I kept it simple and said “It’s not cheating if I’m cool with it”, kissed her again and left. She wasn’t awake enough, and I didn’t have the time to stick around to talk about it then. It’s not uncommon for my wife to have sexy dreams, but usually they’re in a weird dream context and don’t make a lot of sense. It turns out this one was a bit different.
When I got home from work we got the chance to talk about it a bit more. She said the dream didn’t really have any context, it wasn’t much of a story. She was with another man, he was handsome and athletic, but not a supermodel or anything ridiculous. They were kissing and making out, with some heavy petting, which progressed to them starting to take each other’s clothes off. She actually said she was so turned on that “If you had suggested it [sleeping with another guy] this morning I might have considered it!”. I had a hard time keeping a cool head at that point. Things didn’t get too far past that. With dreams being weird like they are she wasn’t sure if the dream just ended, or that’s when she woke up. I asked her how she felt in the dream, and her response was that it was very sexy and exciting, but she also felt guilty. The conversation turned to that feeling of guilt, and what is and isn’t cheating. She asked me what I would do if she cheated for real. It was a great opportunity for me to explain to her the difference between cheating, and fucking other guys. By the end of it she clearly understood that if it was something we discussed and agreed to, that it wasn’t cheating. If it was going outside of our marriage without my consent or knowledge because of something lacking in our relationship then then that would be cheating and I would not be ok with it. She really got the idea and understood by the time we were done talking. By then her only objection was the cultural conditioning of “being married means you don’t fuck other people”. I think that is a barrier that can be eroded with enough time and patience!
So fast forward to the weekend. My wife has lost a bunch of weight since having a baby 5 months ago. Since then she’s been shopping regularly for new clothes that actually fit. We were at a trendy shop in the mall when I spotted a flirty number on one of the racks. It was a gold colored shirt made out of some silky / shiny material. It’s got kind of ruffles / bunches (please forgive my lack of proper fashion descriptions….I have no idea what the right words are here) on one side, and is sleeveless on the other side. It’s pretty tight and form fitting as well. She laughed it off when I added it to her stack of clothes to try on, but with a little prodding I convinced her to try it on. Her self image has been sky high recently, and she’s even willing to wear bikinis this summer, so she finally went for it. She brought it into the changing room with her, and when she came out she looked AMAZING! Her tits looked great, the one shoulder part showed the right amount of skin, it was delicious. She ended up buying it! It definitely looks like something a college girl would wear to a club. She hates clubs, but we both agree we need to find a night to ditch the kids and find an appropriate venue for her new outfit.
While nothing major happened this week, I feel like we took some serious baby steps. She doesn’t want to actively fantasize about other men yet, but I think her deram was a good nudge and has opened her up to the idea at least a little bit. With the right mood I think she might indulge the fantasy. Her self image and confidence are sky high, and she’s willing to show off a little bit. From here on out I’m thinking of it kind of like pushing a swing….little nudges at just the right time will have cumulative, surprising results.
As always any thoughts, reflections, or advice is appreciated!
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matmagic99
Loved your comment about her dream. Plenty of growth and food for thought, eh? I think we (my wife and I) had some similar growth. We were riding in the car talking and she was commenting on her best friend at work, who is a younger, handsome, alpha male, for sure (married, at least for now, but a bit rocky). She and he often have lunch together at work and they were bemoaning her upcoming retirement, in that they would never see each other anymore. She told me that he suggested that she come by and pick him up for lunch. Well, since we are about to move 30 miles away it would be a very conscious act of her driving to do that. I didn’t say anything at the time, but I think she was feeling me out on the topic. I said later something to that effect and she said “You didn’t like the idea, did you?” I said I would, admittedly, be conflicted, but I would be excited, as well. She looked at me funnily and I said, the term for it is “cuckold angst”. She just smiled, but I think we also just made baby steps.
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bazram
I love the pushing a swing analogy. Each time she expresses fantasies and thoughts about other men we need to be encouraging, praising and rewarding, whilst making sure she is secure and knows exactly how loved she is.
We started with just such steps, progressing to her dating andoccasionally kissing other men.
I remember what seemd a real turning point. An old (male) friend was staying over with us. She woke and told me she dreamed she had gone to him in the night and that they had made love. I was overjoyed and let her know that without any pressure there was nothing I’d like more than for this to happen. I didn’t keep on about it and nothing came of it but i made sure she knew I was really pleased with her with gifts and a lot of attention.
It wasn’t so long after this that she stayed the night with a male friend for the first time.
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uxorious
matmagic99
bazram
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