Understanding Myself As A Cuckold

Thank you for your post. I too am a man questioning these feelings. I think we fear others thinking us perverts or having lost our minds. When in fact we are giving unselfishly to our wives. I know that all I want is for my bride of 25 years to fill sexual pleasure and to experience a full sexual life. I love her so much and she is my soul mate. I feel I cannot adequately give her what she needs and I desire her to have pleasure again. I will gladly give up this intimacy with her if it means she can find sexual fulfillment. It scares me sometimes but I know that I must press forward. I know that seeing her will provide me with pleasure so I guess that means it is not entirely a selfless act, but I truly feel I am putting my feelings secondary to her pleasure. I only hope that she can understand why I want this for her and that she will never stop loving me as her soul mate and husband. I am OK if she becomes sexually the exclusive property of her lover as long as she reserves her emotional soul for me.

I just want to see her happy, and if I allow it I should get some of the painful pleasures that cuckolding offers. The thought of cleaning her after he cums, or her making me clean him turns me on like nothing else. But at what cost. She probably will never be able to respect me again. She may tell her friends, my friends, there is so much to lose. I suspect she may be cheating anyway. So maybe I should ask for it. I really don't know what to do. I didn't ask to be into this. I feel trapped but I love it too. 

greenhat said:

I just want to see her happy, and if I allow it I should get some of the painful pleasures that cuckolding offers. The thought of cleaning her after he cums, or her making me clean him turns me on like nothing else. But at what cost. She probably will never be able to respect me again. She may tell her friends, my friends, there is so much to lose. I suspect she may be cheating anyway. So maybe I should ask for it. I really don't know what to do. I didn't ask to be into this. I feel trapped but I love it too. 

The fear of others finding out is something we share. It would be nice to think that our spouse could treat this with complete confidence, but there is also the other man. How do we know that he is not off telling other people. I guess we are all looking for thatg special relationship where 3 people could share a trust and discretion.

I just can't believe how drawn to this I am. How much I fantasize about this. It was better when we were sexually active and I could clean her after I came in her. It offered some release. Smelling her panties right after she takes them off. All good stuff but I want more. I want to hear her moan in pain when he penetrates her. Watch her face, be next to her while she's getting railed, feeling the bed move. Feeling her hands on the back of my head as I clean up his cum. I don't understand how my mind got here that this is what turns me on. I hate and love it. 

Just know that I feel the same way. I hate myself sometimes for feeling this way and wonder how did this happen. I love the thought of her getting more pleasure than I could ever give her, love the thought of telling her lover how much better he is than me. We were a very normal couple (whatever that is) for many years and now I have fallen into the rabbit hole. As much as I enjoy this I do not want anyone else to know. I want her to take a lover, make me refer to him as Master, humiliate me in front of her. I find it in some ways embarrassing but at the same time it is the most exciting thing sexually that I have ever thought about. To think of how my wife will feel when she sees me on my knees with my mouth stretched around her lovers cock, him making me beg to suck it, making me tell him I would rather have his cock than her pussy. I cannot help but wonder if she will lose all respect for me.

So does that make us gay? I don't want anything to do with men on a relationship level. I don't find them attractive. I love oral sex, I would be fine if my relationship with my wife consisted only of oral sex. I think eating his cum out of her, tasting her on his dick is hotter than fuck. I am not a feminine person either. But I'm into this. A normal dude doesn't want to wear a pair of panties and blow a dude who just fucked his wife. Or let the master fuck him in the ass. Thats not normal straight behavior. So are we gay? 

Well this is my opinion so it could be wrong; we have a need as a culture to put labels on everything, i.e. gay, bi, straight, black, white, etc. I think that sexuality has all kinds of shades that do not always fit into a neat category. So no I do not think we are gay by our culture's definition gay. Bi? Yes I think we could say that. I do not find men attractive, at least very few of them. But I get so turned on my the thought of being dominated by a man and having to suck his cock. So turned on by a bull dominating my wife, then having him humiliate me in front of her. I do not think we have to let our sexuality define who we are. It is just one aspect of who we are. It does not mean we cannot be masculine in public life, or aggressive in business, or our chosen profession. The older I get the more comfortable I become that this is just one aspect of our life, and we cannot always choose what we desire or what turns us on. I think this is just who I am.

Well said sir. 

Why do we want this is a very interesting question.

I encouraged my lovely wife into a relationship with a more dominant and experienced man who took her and made her his for six amazing years. She fell deeply in love with him. They had an incredible sex life. he awakened feelings in her that she had never known including maternal feelings and he gave her a child. For most of that time I was completely denied but early on I was able to taste this man inside my wife and feel her body change as she accommodated him. I can honestly say the whole cuckold experience, from driving her to her first night with him to being with her as she gave birth to another mans baby was incredible, deliciously arousing, shameful, exciting, painful at times and I wouldn’t have missed a moment of it.

but why?

I  can see some early markers. My parents were very open about their bodies and sex. I remember very early being aware of my parents fucking and finding it strange and exciting. I had older sisters and would see them getting excited about meeting boyfriends and hear about their encounters.

When I met my wife we were both virgins and very much in love but she gave her virginity to a college friend. i remember how gutted I was when she told me what she’d done but also how aroused I was. I became very possessive but my fantasies were all about other men fucking her. As I became more secure in our relationship I encouraged her interest in other men. I love to see the subtle signs of excitement, the flirting and courting, the tension as they try to work out if she might be available. I also love the shame of my desire being exposed. When friends would challenge me for not ‘sticking up for myself’ when a man would make a pass. When she would tell her friends I wanted her to sleep with other men.

She was always very clear she wasn’t interested in having a family while I was. I wanted her more than I did a family but I do think part of my motivation was finding someone who could ‘fuck some sense into her’. I am a gentle, easy going type but imagined (and liked) the idea of her being roughly handled, perhaps a little degraded. She’s very proper in many ways and I am sure I wanted to find her slutty side. I always found the process of coaxing her into sex rather trying and would often be left frustrated if she wasn’t in the mood. I wanted her to be more receptive and actively seek sex but this wan’t happening in our relationship. I think about sex a lot and for me it is very much a mental and emotional activity. I am very jealous and I do think part of the attraction was overcoming my fear of losing her. Then there is the whole issue of giving up control, seeing where this takes us without any influence (or responsibility) for the outcome.

I’m very clear I’m not at all gay. I just don’t fancy men. But I do relate to women and often in my fantasies imagine I have a vagina and am being fucked. Interestingly I often feel a strange and exciting physical sensation deep in my abdomen and later find that this coincides with my wife experiencing an orgasm.

I think the success of the relationship she found six months after we married showed that she wanted many of the same things as me. She chose an older, larger, more dominant and experienced man. She was sexual with him from very early on, fucking him bareback on their second date. She became very open and excited about her sex life. Quite happily coming home dripping semen, telling her friends I had encouraged her to take a lover. He taught her to deepthroat him, take him anally. He was rough with her, taking her by force at times. He dominated her physically but also emotionally, encouraging her to deny me and to become pregnant by him. things she would never have considered. I’ve probably not been as excited as the evening I sent her off, knowing she was ovulating and that she would be coming home pregnant.

So the why for me is complex but perhaps can be summed up by the idea of outsourcing my masculine dominant desires to a man who could carry them off, while identifying with my wife and vicariously enjoying her seduction and fulfillment. Whatever the reasons I was probably the most sexually fulfilled I have ever been for those years when he alone was fucking her regularly and well and my role was confined to enjoying their pleasure.

An excellent post –  you’ve had a remarkable cuckold career, bazram.

That’s a great post, bazram. Thanks for sharing it.

I love that she cuckolded you before she even let you sleep with her – how dominant and humiating – you lucky man – and then she still chose to stay with you – you really are lucky.

I can relate so well to the feelings you explain.

But what happened to you both? Why did the 6 year old relationship end and where are you both now?

Hi Bazram

Yes I would love to know waht happened did she just go off with the bull and leave you. I can actually relate to the compersion. I am a purely logical man and believe in scientific explanations for things. However once I was inthe prescence of my wife’s lover in a restaurant but had no idea who he was. He happened to be standing at the bar within two feet away. At this time she had not come out so there was no reason to connect. Not being a gay man I have no feelings for men but here I was having some sort of feelings for this strange man unusual and submissive feelings. to this day I cannot explain this one scientifically other than to think we may build up joint feelings as a couple over time. Carl Jung spoke of the collective unconscious which is the only psychological scientific theory which comes close.

Yes it was a powerful start to our relationship. I vividly remember the shock as she told me, in the middle of a heavy petting session that she had given herself to another. Shock and confusion for a moment and then the most incredible arousal that I couldn’t possibly hide. My tongue was hanging out and I had the strongest erection. I didn’t need to spell it out that I was actually really proud and pleased. She got the message loud and clear and it was pretty much accepted between us from that point that she would be making love to any man she wants.

We are very much together, for a number of reasons their relationship came to an end quite amicably. I would be very happy for her to have another lover but for her its very much about the right man as it is much more than just sex with her. She still misses her mate, especially sexually. Of course he is always going to be a big part of our life.

I believe its  more than collective unconscious as I understand it. I feel part of my cuckold nature is my ability to empathise, resonate with, and feel what my wife is feeling, especially around love and sex. It is much more than getting off on her making love with others. I have very often physically experienced her arousal even when she is far away in another man’s bed, I’ve learned to recognise the pangs of desire, increasing arousal and most incredibly penetration and orgasm. I have been woken from sleep exactly at the point he has entered her. Other times I’ve been at work and just about doubled up as she reached orgasm. It is this that makes it such a satisfying lifestyle for me. I actually do feel much closer to her as I am not thinking about myself at all and can focus on her. she has become so much more open about her sexuality in response to both of us. I feel incredibly priviliged to have experienced this intimacy that I guess many men never know.

Thank you Bazram.There is definitely something which goes on in close relationships which has never been studied nor understood and is often missed in these cuckold type websites.There is no doubt of the strong feelings which occur when a woman has an affair, mostly so strong the male just wants to get away from her.Hence relationship breakdown.However those of us that stay often know when something is going on and felel it inside somewhere. Again thank you for your reply which helps me reinforce the view that cuckolding in its holistic nature has absolutely nothing to so with men with large penises satisfying the carnal desires of women, which some would have us believe are universal. For those of us who have actually experienced the pain/ecstasy and all feelings in between of having someone you love and very close to you have sex with someone else we know what it is all about.