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DutchMichel
Hi all,
First of all a big thank you to Luvr and members of this site, it is very informative.
My question relates to how to proceed on the hotwife/cuckolding path.
My wife and I are in our end thirties and are now together for thirteen years. We are now in what we both call out third phase of our sex life. First was the getting to know phase, then the getting children phase and now the third phase. We still don’t know what this phase means to us, what is the purpose of sex now?.By entering this third phase my wife and I are more open towards each other about our sexual needs and fantasies (me a bit more than she), which leads to good communication and great (erotic) fun in and outside the bedroom.
She knows I’m very exited by the idea of seeing her with another male and that I have no urges to have sex with another woman. She also knows about my bisexual tendencies, which I have never put to practice and are no that strong, but another man’s body can arouse me. Sometimes we use this during foreplay and she asks me out about it while teasing and stroking me.
While good endowed, I can’t last more than a minute inside when having intercourse. That is a pity because she loves intercourse, she always moans how good it feels while I come inside her. We have found enough work-arounds and my oral skills have become very good. Still I have this unsatisfied feeling/desire that I think she deserves full scale sex with a man that can do what I can’t provide.
Also she tends to be the more dominant partner in bed or at least she is more times the receiver and I’m the giver. Sometimes even without a orgasm for me when she is blown away by an oral super orgasm.
So far so good…
I have carefully (no pushing, and not every time) discussed to bring the threesome/extra male scenario into practice. She is reluctant about it, and although liking the scenario as fantasy play she says she doesn’t want to put it to practice.
Her argument are:
She is very satisfied with our sex life. And even I last short she loves the penetration.
She has had numerous sexual encounters before me and she says it was fun and exciting but not comparable with the good sex we have.
She appreciates my efforts to work around my quick ejaculations.
And finally she beliefs that the practice will be less fun than the fantasy, she thinks this will be a disappointment.So here I am. She is happy and satisfied, that is what I want but the paradox is that I want her to be satisfied by other (more capable)males also. I’m out of ideas. I’m not willing to push her into a direction she doesn’t want to go. Maybe I must have piece with the idea that it ends here and enjoy the mutual fantasy play.
Please may I ask your opinions on my situation? How would you proceed? Have you been in the same situation and how did things go from there?
Michel
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Luvr
Her argument are:
She is very satisfied with our sex life. And even I last short she loves the penetration.
-Good is often the enemy of great. Said another way, why settle for ‘satisfied’? Is this phase not about potential?
She has had numerous sexual encounters before me and she says it was fun and exciting but not comparable with the good sex we have.
-previous encounters lacked a bond or connection and were not satisfying; fix that by encouraging she get to know (date) any potential bed-mate
She appreciates my efforts to work around my quick ejaculations.
-nice way of saying it sucks that you can’t fuck me properly, but I’ve gotten used to it
And finally she beliefs that the practice will be less fun than the fantasy, she thinks this will be a disappointment.
-disappointment along the way is a possibility as nothing worth anything ever comes easily -
DutchMichel
If I understand your answer correct my interpretation is that I have to read more between the lines. The challenge is that my wife is very clear in her communication, she has an almost manly way of looking at things. If I have done a lousy yob in doing something, she will say that I did a lousy yob. She is not very political in her way of communicating.
Still your reaction made me think a lot. What I think is that the arguments she gives are indeed the real arguments for her also. So maybe my wife and I need to find her true reasons for giving these arguments… I will try some different approaches to see if what the “between the lines” are that she might not even know herself.
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jezz
Dear Michel,
These are only extra ideas.First, when your wife says that she has enjoyed better and varied sex in the past, but copes now with something less, it sounds as though she sees the current situation as a retreat from what is possible. But it is clear too that she hasn’t forgotten the excitement of more sustained sex and uses fantasies and oral now to revisit that. Its good that she is taking the lead on oral and orgasms hard that way. An essential feature of hotwifehood is hedonism, the expectation that her pleasures come first. It seems a good idea to me to continue working on that, and to reinforce the ideas that she has every right to expect that and more. ‘Your pussy is so superior, it compels me to lick. Mistress pussy deserves the best….’ (cue invitation for her to fantasize about what that may be).
If it is right that she sees the current situation as a retreat from the mating game, the rut out there, its then worth pondering on what the retreat represents to her? I believe that for many women it is a retreat from uncertainty and possible hurt. Whilst the mating game is exciting, it is also potentially stressful and hurtful. It takes effort on the lady’s part too. Ladies have egos and they put their reputation on the line every time they test out their sex appeal. Its more complex for them than men. They want to explore their instincts but not to seem unduly ‘easy’. They want to be expansive and wanton, but to secure a safe place too with a long term mate. So now, the invitation to return to the mating game raises questions about what the return is to? Do you really mean that you want me to enjoy myself with another man-to do that beyond solving your ejaculation problem? Is it really true that you are promising to support me and to facilitate my preferred lifestyle? She may never have previously known such a generous man. She may have learned that men are competitive and not co operative, that they secure their needs first. What would be our working rules, those that protect us? Would you always expect to watch-do you accept that I would date my ‘other guy’? Why is that sexy for you…as well as me?
It can be worth talking about the phases of love within a marriage. In the early days there is the chase-intense arousal linked to romantic situations. Longer term, love needs to work at a pragmatic level, the highs of the early days cannot be sustained over decades. So then, cuckold lifestyle can be one solution to re injecting the lifestyle with some highs. It offers the exploration of new roles, those that allow a wife the excitement of the chase, the rut, and puts the husband on emotional edge. He cannot be 100% sure of his wife any more, and she is exciting precisely because of that. He needs to feel uncertain, sometimes to be humiliated. She needs to feel she has choices and that her husband regularly realises that. Complacency and boredom kills relationships, so exploring the cuckold lifestyle is not necessarily about voyeurism, a male masochism, it can too be about nurturing the relationship as well.
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ClassicalMusic
Hello Michel,
If your wife only enjoys the fantasy, it sounds like you two should inject some reality. By that, I mean reading solid, mature sources on cuckolding like the content here. If she enjoys the fantasizing, then she’ll want to read stories, true accounts, suggestion articles, success stories, etc. My wife still likes to seek out such sources, but I’m only a prospective cuck and she wants to start the lifestyle in the future, but only if the circumstances are right.One thing my wife enjoys that I don’t is dancing. If your wife enjoys that (or any other activity that brings her within contact of men) maybe she should make more time for that. Anyway, I hope this helped.
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DutchMichel
Luvr
jezz
ClassicalMusic
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