Recently a member here on CuckoldMarriage reached out to me sharing their journey of transitioning to a cuckold couple while also inquiring about the working dynamics of our cuckold marriage. I began to write a response but took a pause to think and reflect on our journey as a cuckold couple, which opened up another perceptive and intimate conversation between james and me. With our exchange as inspiration, here are some thoughts and insight of our cuckold relationship….some familiar and some new…
As a cuckold couple we continue to learn and grow more understanding every day of one another. Even though we may have had some expectations as to the path we might be on after being introduced to CuckoldMarriage, we know that everyone is unique to their own relationship and experiences and that there is no ‘one size fits all’ cuckold dynamic. From our own experience we have both learned that it is all about evolving, each of us in our separate roles, me the hotwife to cuckoldress and james as the denied cuckold.
What is paramount in making our dynamic work is that we are always open and honest with each other. Communication is absolute. We hate the word use of ‘rules’ because it seems inflexible and does not allow a more evolving dynamic. Rather than ‘rules’, we talk about and agree to what makes our cuckolding marriage work best. For me it’s about being empowered as a cuckoldress and being fucked by select, endowed bulls…and taking control of the sexual pleasure that james can have. As we talked about my control james admitted that physical denial (no penis fondling, masturbation, intercourse, and only spurting as I allow) would increase his emotional arousal with eventually a more intense orgasm…and cause for chastity. The reality of the denial of intercourse was far more about me realizing and james ceding that size matters for my full pleasure and “better trumps good”. Is it missed? What do you think? After all, for nearly 30 years he was in me quite a bit.
If and when on the very rare occasion in the future I might allow penetration by his penis, it definitely can not ejaculate inside of me. That is reserved only for my bulls.
To be clear, I do deny james sexual intercourse almost exclusively, but what I have learned is that sometimes the sheer intimacy that can happen between me and james as I describe my interludes with a bull/lover is so intense that I need more than just the exchange of words but something physical.
For instance, this past Thursday I had the opportunity to get together with P, my ‘Dane’. He was nice enough to get a hotel room for the afternoon that was convenient to our house and his office thanks to www.Dayuse.com. Even though our son was visiting with us at the time, after spending an active morning with him I later casually got ready to leave the house in some sexy yoga attire that james selected and then quickly left walking for some afternoon ‘errands and coffee with a friend’. Sneaking away and the limited time that I had with P when we were in the hotel room made the tryst very exciting and quite a showing on the bed sheets.
I was able to give james quick highlights of the hotel tryst later that evening, but it wasn’t until the next morning after our son finally departed that james and I finally had time to ourselves where I could recount the details. With both of us naked in bed, I tried to describe the tryst as best I could (I had recorded it in the hotel room but he had not yet listened to it), and all the while showing his erection. “Reliving” it, I was extremely aroused and wet, and being influenced by the intimate setting I asked james to move close against me. With his erect penis now against me, and laying on my side with my back to him, rather than continue by having outercourse I decided to let him push the little “boi” inside of me from behind, telling him not to move. Though slipping out a few times, I managed to move and thrust myself against him to a mild orgasm. When I was finished I had him pull out and I laid back, and at my request had him lay on top of me. I let him enter me again and he quickly stroked a few times then pulled out moaning and spurted and dribbled on my stomach. It had been a couple weeks since his last spurt by my hand…and it was the typical quick cuckold orgasm.
Was I aroused by his attention? Absolutely! james and I are very close. Being a cuckoldress doesn’t mean I’m uninterested. Our being physically close together is really about the sensation of the unconditional love and emotional intimacy we have and share for each other, an unwavering part of our marriage which compliments and strengthens our cuckolding dynamic. It was not about having intercourse. The sex with james was only average and more a reaction to the sensual closeness, serving best as a nice reminder to each of us he is not adequate in size for me. Sometimes old habits can have a changed purpose.
Through all that has happened and how we have evolved as a cuckold couple, our marriage with me as the cuckoldress has let me become more confident about identifying as a ‘slut’. Public perception has always made me think and feel the word ‘slut’ as a negative connotation of a person. But I now understand that within the context of being a cuckoldress and my sexual desires and needs, this is really an important part of who I am and a positive to embrace. Looking forward I feel more empowered than ever before to meet new bulls and having them fuck me….all the while my cuckold husband knowing that ‘better does trump good’.
Hi Anne, you say something really interesting at the end of your post. “You became more confident about identifying as a ‘slut’”. This is where J (my wife) gets stuck with this all the time. How do you make the leap from talking about this lifestyle to trying it, without feeling like you’re doing a really bad slutty thing? It’s just that first time that we’re struggling with..
That’s a great question, but the struggle shouldn’t be yours…it’s Jules’s.
Jules’s empowerment…of taking charge of HER sexuality and you patiently and lovingly supporting her will naturally enable her to embrace her inner slut…. I’d love to chat with her directly.
When it comes to trying it, as a couple, have you opened up your marriage in the past…with swinging?
If not I suggest she create profiles on dating sites and describe exactly what she’s looking for…
Also I strongly suggest that both of you together follow Venus…she has an amazing blog and podcast that discusses cuckolding from a woman’s point of view.
I hope this helps and feel free to have Jules reach out to me. I’m on Twitter so she can DM there. @AnneCuckoldress
Have a great weekend…
Thank you so much for your reply Anne, and apologies for the delay coming back to you! What great advice, I had not thought of this from that perspective before. It is her struggle to get over, not mine.
We’ve made so much progress over the last couple of months. Although, no, neither of us have tried anything like this before, we have spoken about it lots and agreed that it will happen. As ever, life (and kids) keeps getting in the way.
That said, it would be extremely helpful to come back to you when J is ready to talk. She could really benefit from talking to a woman in the lifestyle rather than me submerging her in all the online cuckold BS that’s already scaring her off.
Of course, I’d be more than happy to talk to her when she’s ready.
Very true about communication. We started as 3some that quickly evolved. We did not discuss the next step, nor did i know this lifestyle was out there. Talk and then take some more. The only thing was about “rules” as a sub, i need them. Best wishes
Very deep post indeed. So true about keeping the communication open between husband and wife (or boyfriend and girlfriend, as the case may be). Recently, my wife was with the very first guy who broke the ice with us. This happened at a resort. This time, he came to us. I actually paid all his expenses to visit with us for a weekend. My wife and I had agreed that I would always be present. However, she needed to extend our rule; and, she asked me if she and her lover could have “alone time” together. This felt, for me, like the first time all over again. A lot of cuckold anxiety on my part, yes, angst. He was with us for 3 nights/4 days, and for several hours they were alone (actually 10 hours). It was not at all easy for me. I know many husband actually never watch; but, until now she always wanted me there. My wife has assured me, that this will happen very seldom. Needless to say, I was not prepared for this at all. My wife has told me that if this will truly bother me, she will forego being with someone alone, in the future. And, upon speaking with her, I am finding that she now prefers this option. I have agreed, but I’m seriously trying to manage many feelings which this brings. And, although we are very communicative, I am hesitant to open up about how this causes me to feel (she does not know how very difficult it is for me – or – well, maybe she does). When this young man from the past came over for his recent long weekend, seeing them together was very exciting for him and for my wife. I was totally, again so envious of his cock and balls, of his confidence and of her attraction to him. They so enjoyed kissing and other foreplay. Their intercourse and their intimacy was incredible. The following night while they were alone, I actually needed to cry – while I was by myself – thinking and feeling a thousand feelings at once. But, still, in spite of my tears, my penis would get very hard, as I thought about she and he making love without me. This is a new development; and, I still (of course) want our relationship to work; I so want she and I to stay together. And, I know she needs good pleasure, even if it is not provided by me. I guess that at times, I will just need to spend time alone, even if it means I will cry. My love for her is stronger than some tears and some angst.
I’m still trying to find a black man in middle Tennessee to help me with my wife. She’s joked about being with a black guy and that got me thinking. She’s BBW 42dd, early 40’s.
So envious of your lifestyle, my wife is still going through the “will it destroy our marriage”, “will we fall out of love”, “what will people think” “will I turn into an evil creature if another man fucks me” ? so frustrating,I wish she would realise the opportunity we have
Keep talking…it takes time. 🙂
Don’t push it….it will probably cause her to freeze up
We are just starting out and having the harder discussions on both what my role will be going forward as well as the level of intimacy she will have with others. One of her gfs has been helping us, she and her ex used to host a small swing group and she’s dealt with similar couples where both are submissive. She has shared that we should end having any kind of intercourse going forward – whether I’m in chastity or not – so that the bulls will be exclusive with her especially vaginally. The follow up to that is the condoms issue. We’ve been married over 20 years, girls 10 and 12 together and she’s only been with me for intercourse. Her friend has talked to us both and suggested that Nikki find a steady/stable bull for now and get comfortable with testing to ensure safety, but that things will be best for everyone if she can be bare with him. Said it will help her bond with him and more fully accept him, help to clarify our roles and where he stands with us (replacing me in that way) and will make the sex better for both of them. That part is just hard for me, has my stomach in knots thinking about it.
You are such an inspiration to me. Even though my attempts to find the right bull continue to be a struggle, you give me the confidence to keep pursuing this goal.
Hi there, it’s great to hear from you and yes… I feel your pain about meeting quality Bulls…not easy but let’s do this! I need Black seed!! Luvr makes it seem so easy…lol
Impressive, the first step in our life is me discussing the concept of dressing bold and gaining attention while we go out. We did not get directly to the thought of cuckolding but beat around this broad concept.
We for the first time roleplayed me being a public celebrity she had a crush on (first time her opening upto this in our married life) and she told that she had the best time in our married life being soo open about things in bed and we would like to keep exploring things and take it slow…. I even spoke about this celebrity deep penetrating her and saw her clutch onto me and pull me deeper into her and I just loved that moment with her…. Well started our baby steps and look forward to see where this goes
Thank you, Good luck with your adventures….😘
Beautiful as always.
At least james does get to spurt. (and cleanup)
Yes, he does!! Hope all is well with you!
Do you reply to these comments? I’m a 30 year old guy from Ireland, and came across your interview on keys and anklets podcast. I’m dying to get involved in this lifestyle. Can I ask you for some advice?
Hi Mick, please DM me! Merry Christmas! Anne
Black Stag here for adding more to a woman’s life.
As always, your posts are the best Anne! Thank you!
Great post. Interesting, thoughtful and very very erotic!
I guess james has only one “quick orgasm” as You said every several weeks 🙂
Yes, and he just had a quick one this morning with the help of my hand. Thanks for your comment!
Your body makes old virgin boi cry for frustration..
Great post and looking sexy as always Anne. I hope to hear more soon!
I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Thanks for taking the time to let me know!
Hi Anne & James:
How nice of you to post again about the topic of interest here. Life is about ’evolving’ as the ’dynamics’ change and the ’intimacy’ has to be there
or what sense does it all make in the end. Love the photo’s, they seem as always to be top notch. Your search for a LTR has shown just how difficult it is to
find such a relationship. Three is so much more difficult to achieve then two, so sad, but true. Words like slut need to be rethought for sure as the world
is evolving into a more balanced and fair place.
Hugs for you both and best wishes,
Thank you so much for leaving your comments! They are always appreciated! Best, Anne