Most couples, in my estimation, lack both the trust and communication necessary to enjoy a cuckolding lifestyle and often the first experience a husband has with cuckolding is learning his wife has cheated or may be having an ongoing affair.
Caught: Now what?
Reactions to the discovery of a wife cheating are always very intense, but not always for the reasons we assume.
Of course the first emotion is shock. Then anger at being betrayed. This betrayal isn’t a sexual one, but one of trust. Then comes the anger of being humiliated because in our society it’s an injury to the husband for a wife to take another man’s cock inside her. The injury to the husband’s ego is often just as significant as the betrayal of trust and not necessarily what his wife did. Rarely is a husband 100% shocked that his wife chose to enjoy the sexual intimacy of another man. Most times they know they are partially to blame in some aspect, but choose to redirect this knowledge as feigned anger.
Curiosity creates the cuckold.
After the initial shock wears off and husbands have time to stew over what happened, curiosity often sets in and the imagination goes into overrdive. This becomes the second phase of anger as the husband realizes he doesn’t know much and is again hurt by what he doesn’t know. As he tries to piece together what happened, it’s inevitable that images of his wife committing intimate, sexual acts with the other man begin to pop up in the husband’s mind. Then, to their utter horror, they will often find that their penis is becoming quite swollen from the images their mind conjures up of their wife coupling with a faceless but very erect male. Being ashamed of such a reaction, the first instinct is to also turn this into anger at their wife.
Even among wives who have been encouraged to flirt, show off or even been given permission to play outside the marriage already, cheating is often the first path they choose. This can be because they simply don’t believe their husband can actually handle it or perhaps they themselves never believed they would do it. When something happens and the opportunity was there – and they took it, they often find themselves unable to overcome their doubts and fears to be able to share it with their husband.
Communication and honesty – both ways – is the key to overcoming this and making lemonade out of the lemons.
Wives cheat because they don’t want to leave their husband and a threat to the marriage is what men worry about most, not necessarily who excites their wife. When a husband can feel confident that their marriage isn’t at risk, he’s much less likely to consider the extramarital sexual activity as a threat to the marriage and be better able to enjoy the erotic aspects of it.
Conversion to Cuckold
Most often when I have to help one spouse introduce this to the other, it’s the husband who has a reluctant wife, but over the years I’ve helped at least a dozen wives introduce the idea of cuckolding to their husband. The two most important factors to remember are that he just wants to feel secure in the relationship and his penis will always tell you the truth.
Step 1: Assessment
In almost every case, a bit of questioning reveals many of the ‘markers’ I look for in a husband that identify him as a good cuckold candidate.
Step 2: Test
Using the elements of his personality and the couples’ marital relationship discovered in step 1, I develop tests to probe the husband’s reaction to various scenarios related to sharing his wife. In this case, sharing doesn’t necessarily mean at a sexual level. Most often, the simplest form of sharing one’s wife is showing her off and sharing in the excitement of other men finding his wife sexually appealing.
Step 3: Re-Assessment
Based on the results of the test, I will sharpen or, in some cases, re-focus the tests to confirm his interest. I also work with the wife to improve her communication with her husband by explaining – and proving in the process, that she makes incorrect assumptions about how he thinks and feels about her.
Step 4: Develop a training plan
Yes, it’s training. Why? Because you are undoing a lifetime of incorrect assumptions and instinctive fears on the part of your husband. As stated previously, by default, men tend to view any male external to the marriage as a threat to the very marriage itself. Obviously this is completely false, but learned behaviors like this aren’t overcome overnight.
This plan will include methods of sharing, as a couple, elements of sharing the wife that the husband will be excited by. Also included are methods to reinforce the types of behavior we want to encourage, through verbal teasing, cock teasing and playful forms of denial.
In cases where the wife is actively seeing someone, I encourage her to drop more apparent hints at this point, blurring the line between fantasy and reality. This allows us to judge his reaction: does he ask more questions and open the door to deeper discussions or does he internalize his observations and allow the knowledge that his wife is actually doing these things to become an open secret he doesn’t have the nerve to openly discuss. Either way works out just fine in the end it’s just a different process.
Step 5: An Exciting Reality
Using the lessons learned through steps 3 and 4 and capitalizing on what the wife has since learned about how to motivate their husband and how to most effectively communicate with him about sexual topics, the right time and place is established to break the news to her new cuckold.
[fancy_box]If you would like to discuss scenarios to introduce cuckolding to your spouse, you can contact me here.[/fancy_box]