So what’s the difference, anyway?

A hotwife marriage compares to cuckold marriage as a bull does to a Dom; that is, a hotwife marriage is more often focused simply on the sex whereas a cuckold marriage more deeply explores the emotional, mental and sexual aspects of extending the marriage sexually.

Just as men will enter this lifestyle first as bulls then grow into a role as a Dom if they have the necessary intellect, personality, and physical traits, couples more often start out as a hotwife couple and develop into a cuckold couple over time given certain qualities:

  • trust
  • communication
  • emotional maturity

It’s not uncommon for couples to become a bit ‘stuck’ as a hotwife couple because they have difficulty overcoming doubt, anxiety or ego. Some of these couples find their way here and get help, others struggle along on their own and eventually build those bridges to continue their journey.

Those who actively protest something the loudest are often the ones most interested in it. If you don't want it, don't bring it up.

Those who actively protest something the loudest are often the ones most interested in it. If you don’t like it, don’t bring it up.

Then there are those who will actively protest the ideas inherent to cuckold marriage.  From time to time I’ll find such a couple in the chatroom; most often it’s the husband who loves having someone else fuck his wife while he watches, but he’s certain he’s not a cuckold. This is what we call denial – or simply an inability to square his desires with his ego and self-identity.  For women it’s often the idea of accepting a role as a sexual object; the feeling they are being that “slut” they always accused other women of being. For men, it’s admitting not only to themselves, but to their wife that not having control of her sexuality or even his own, is exciting and somehow rewarding.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that a hotwife marriage isn’t as valid as a cuckold marriage just as I wouldn’t say that a bull has less or no value as compared to a Dom. Couples in a hotwife marriage who are content with it generally don’t find a need to tear down the couples who do enjoy a cuckold marriage. When I see that behavior, I often find traits that indicate this need to deny the obvious truth with regard to ego conflict. Each couple’s journey down this path is unique to them in terms of what aspects apply and how deeply they are explored, but what all lifestyle couples share is an acceptance of who they are to each other and to those with whom they interact with within the lifestyle. This honesty with themselves and each other is key to long term enjoyment of the lifestyle.

And that is my $.02 for the day.

Next: The Golden Rule

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