My Angst

Cuckold angst is common and is talked about and expected in a cuckold marriage.

But what about the Cuckoldress?

The reality is, like her cuckold, on occasion she might also experience “Cuckoldress Angst”, though for different reasons. As a slut, the sexual side of being a social butterfly as james lovingly reminds me, it happens when I’m not getting enough big black dick that both my mind and body intensely desire. Face it, I love having great sex as much as possible with other black men that can give me what james doesn’t have in his “toolbox”. Without it I am irritable, un-focused and feel physically insecure with james then taking the brunt of my moodiness, or angst, when this happens to me. It’s hard on him because ordinarily I’m a very positive person with an even personality and I usually don’t trouble about things. When I need to be fucked he knows that he is somewhat helpless and will never be able to satisfy my lust that is exhausting me, yet he always brings me up from these low periods as best as he can with his words of encouragement and intimacy in the ways he knows best.

Recently at the beginning of one such week when I was feeling “it”, I was surprised when my phone pinged, and a text came in from a very favorite black man…
“Hi sexy lady, what days are good for you next week?”
I reply with my free evenings and with anticipation there is no doubt about the wetness in my pussy. After a few days having not received any follow-up text (which is irritating and is becoming predictable with some men…exasperated, I vent to james, “what the fuck is so hard about picking up the phone and showing who is going to be in control in the bedroom?”) calmly I reach out to confirm and finally get a reply text…
“I’m going to have to travel for work, I can’t make it.”
Ugh…so disappointing…but I tried my best not to take it out on james and to channel my sexual energy in other ways. But by the end of the week, I was so fucking horny that all the masturbating in the world couldn’t satisfy me.

By that Friday morning, I am desperate for black dick. Before I even get out of bed, I quickly reach out to “C”, a local bull that I have written about in a previous post of mine. Without waiting for his reply, I also immediately login to one of my lifestyle sites and by chance notice that a gorgeous black man, with an articulately written profile has posted a booty call for the weekend. Without giving it another thought I reached out to him…I very rarely connect with single men traveling unless they have contacted me well in advance. Without any expectations but happy that I was taking action, I went to workout with james.
After our workout I checked my phone, and I had a message back from C. He was working from home and said he had a window of time and to come over.  james was excited (and relieved), helping me decide how to dress and quickly giving me a “bare spa” treatment.  I had him put on his cage, and locked him up before I left.  After a couple of hours of intense deep cervix fucking by C’s huge cock I returned home to find james waiting for me.  He was so patient as I described in detail my time with C, so I then allowed him to have a quick view and scent of my swollen and very pink pussy…another teasing way of control over james where there is no definite “cream pie eating” in our house. Now, finally giddy with a post fuck glow, I was ready for our weekend that lay ahead.

The next morning, I checked my lifestyle account and I was surprised to have a message back from the traveler. His plans with his friend he was visiting changed at the last minute and he had the weekend free. (He admitted later that he didn’t think he would get any response from his booty call). After chatting back and forth on Kik and a phone call I felt comfortable and decided to go for it…his only free time was on a Sunday morning…which happened to be Father’s Day. Deciding to be a bit more relaxed with zero expectations, I kept my dress  simple; I wore only two items, my sexy black booty leggings and a tight fitting white off the shoulder top.  My only dilemma was that I always make quiche for Fathers Day brunch and the timing of my tryst would interfere with the cooking time. But james came through again…being my sous chef while I was off to the hotel.
He was staying at a nearby very sexy hotel that I love and have been naughty at before and we agreed on meeting in the hotel lobby at 9:30. Nervous, with the usual butterflies (…Cuckoldress angst) I left the car with the valet and headed to the bar…but as I approached the door to the main lobby I received a message from “B” asking if I wanted to meet in the bar or his room…tempting as it was, I replied, the bar. After waiting just a few minutes he casually approached me and definitely matched his description in his profile. He was tall, muscular and had a presence about him that was maybe intimidating but his warm smile and his eyes put me at ease.  As we enjoyed our Bloody Mary’s and began talking I realized that he had a very gentle and calming personality that only intensified the wetness between my legs…he later told me that to some he may appear intimidating but in reality he’s just a gentle beast. I loved how our conversation flowed and he asked so many questions. He clearly read my profile and was eager to ask about james and our dynamic, and was already thinking how to include him in our tryst that was about to ensue. After we finished our drinks he invited me to his room and this time I did not hesitate, even though his only caveat was that condoms were a must…I usually insist being “bare” but feeling very aroused at that moment, decided I couldn’t ignore the sensations and pull of “being taken” by him.
Once we got to his room, B immediately and aggressively pulled me to him and kissed me. His soft lips made me melt. I knew quickly from his kissing that his seduction to open my legs was going to be easy, condom or not. He was so gentle, yet strong and aggressive. When we paused kissing I took a quick selfie of the two of us on the bed to send and tease james…who would now experience his own angst knowing what I was doing while he tended to the quiche.

Like me, B was only wearing two clothing items, a tank top and very sexy jogger style pants that showed him well in all the right places.  Fully clothed he laid back on the unmade bed, beckoning me to him. I straddled him, and my eyes were drawn to two things…the outline of his pierced nipples and the outline of his bulging dick. After grazing his nipples with my fingers I carefully pulled his pants down fully exposing his gorgeous and enormous erect dick…I gasped and giggled…truly a BBC that I knew was going to reach all the right places. I took it in my hands and caressed it and then put my mouth to it. I couldn’t resist and paused momentarily to grab my phone and take a couple of pics to share with james, then continued with my Sunday morning worship, sucking, gagging and stroking as he moaned, stopping only when I felt his manhood on edge beginning to throb in my mouth. Moving off him, I pulled his pants completely off. He got up and, on my knees as I bent over the bed, let him slide my leggings off.  With my top still on he forced me to lay back on the bed with my legs spread and posed himself kneeling between them. He then teased and slapped my pussy with his very hard cock…he hadn’t even entered me yet and I could see how pink I already was from his teasing. Very quickly and in control he got up, grabbed a condom, slid it on and directed me to my knees again…he confidently entered me from behind and I gasped again. With a smile he commented on how wet I was as he pulled out and swiftly shifted his body and directed me to my back. His strong hands were on me and were forceful but gentle at the same time. With my legs in the air and spread wide beckoning him inside he grasped them and in a single stroke pushed into me again and began fucking me hard and deep with an energy that I’d never experienced until he shuddered in release. How long we were fucking I can’t remember. When we stopped my pleasure was on the edge but the sensations of being taken running through my body were breathtaking. After pausing in mutual pleasure, and a quick selfie, he got up and discarded his condom so I could again put his beautiful black cock in my mouth and take more pictures for james.
Because his friend was joining him later that afternoon and james was waiting for me at home, time was short and I dressed and kissed him goodbye leaving him naked behind his hotel room door, his beautiful cock hanging used. I loved walking out and through the lobby and I was absolutely giddy waiting for the valet to bring my car around.
Arriving home, the quiche out of the oven, james was waiting for me on our bed smiling and ready to listen to every detail and celebrate my post fuck glow. He was definitely feeling the squeeze of his cage when I finally removed my leggings and asked him to enjoy the “show and tell” of my still aroused pussy, putting his mouth on my pussy, and to taste my arousal. And the quiche?”…it also tasted excellent, going very well with my glow and james’ Father’s Day.

That weekend was absolutely amazing and empowering…the salve to any angst I had. It readied me for the upcoming week, and as expected, again eager for more dick. But as exciting as it can be being sexually empowered and a slut for more dick, the reality is that getting to the bedroom can be a roller coaster of different emotions and angst. Sometimes it’s about what’s outside of my control. When I’m not able to count on fucking dates when I need them most, or lack of quality reliable bulls to choose from, and then those few whom I know that seem to struggle with following through on promises and plans due to their busy lives…why do I seem to attract the super professional single dads?
Mostly it can be self-inflicted where I tend to cause my own angst in the days leading up to a date by overthinking scenes with the bull and how it might relate  to james…and how I relate to james. Or doubting myself that I won’t be sexy enough, or young enough, or is my aging skin too obvious if we’re meeting too early in the day. Will the lighting be just right? Without james as my number one all of my self-doubting would not disappear the minute I pull out of the driveway.
Sometimes I worry ahead of time if my actions with my bulls during our time together before, during and after fucking will keep james on the edge…the sexy side of angst…or will I become so consumed in my pleasure that any interaction I do have with james is less than our own true emotional connection.…which may take him over the edge into a place of self-doubt and questioning his value to me. This is the worse. If it happens, it’s unintentional, triggered by being hesitant in sharing and fully communicating my experience being fucked well and the emotions dancing in my mind. There have been a couple times when I have come home from a date where the sexual and emotional chemistry between me and my Bull is off the charts…admittedly mirroring the connection that james and I have, the only differences being color, bravado, and cock size.  It’s unexpected, and a wonderful experience when it happens, but after I can become tangled with the conflict between my own processing of it and having to also confidently bring james into it. It can mean that I struggle with articulation of the right words…to confidently express my joy because admittedly after all these years I still have a tiny part in my subconscious that makes me worry that james will feel disconnected from me hearing what I say when sharing with him my glow…even worse if I holdback telling him where my mind is. Words are important, but honestly sharing your mind is absolute to a cuckold.
The result takes all the joy out of my post fuck glow for both of us, replaced with hard conversations.
Then there are the moments that magnify into anxious or nervous energy…that fringe on the edges of arousal for me. They happen when I’m getting ready for a date and james is carefully choosing my date outfits. Seeing several combinations of stockings, bustiers, body stockings laid out on the bed, my first thought is “oh no, I have to try on all of these combinations”. My reaction is more about feeling overwhelmed rather than anticipation. But once I try on the first combination of items and james adjusts straps and twirls me around like a model, I’ll see that look in his meticulous eyes and the smile telling me I look hot, and his enthusiasm betraying signs of arousal…it’s fun. He’ll say “go look in the mirror”…and looking with sexy confidence, together we are both excited for what will be happening a few hours later. But it’s when he “pampers” my pussy, the butterflies really take hold…laying back with my legs spread high and wide for him so he can satisfy my expectations of a smooth and bare pussy, and then carefully apply my QofS tattoo above it. As james takes care of me he loves and comments how my clit swells during this time and admittedly concedes that the next person to get this close to me and enjoy this will be my date.

Understanding my sexual angst for myself and james, in a cuckold marriage or relationship it seems inevitable and much about who we really are and how we navigate it for better. When I raised the context of Cuckoldress angst with james the conversation was interesting, and each of our perspectives different. We both agreed that it is that ying/yang of positive and negative emotional energy of being non-monogamous in a Cuckold marriage…empowerment versus vulnerability…addition versus subtraction. But each of our perspectives of navigating it for better was enlightening. james wants it all, embracing it to drive his sexual identity and pleasure…in a sense being masochistic where my edging his mind is just as important as my edging his penis.
My perspective was simple. As a woman I put up with enough shit as it is, so a Cuckoldress should never have to feel anything but the best of pleasure and love.

And as obvious as it is, when my angst does happen, I’ve learned that navigating it is about opening up about all of my emotional energy with the most important person in my life…james…who then can empathize and share his perspective as my champion.

He is my husband…my number one. I want to cuckold him…and I will always love him.