Biology vs. Ideology
Female monogamy, enforced though the entirely artificial construct of “marriage”, is the most basic and enduring form of misogyny in the human experience. Pair-bonding is certainly critical to humanity’s development and individual happiness, but was never intended to codified into a false construct of sexual non-monogamy that marriage became through religious influence.
Most of us have been taught about the proliferation of species which mate for life, especially birds, but this notion is actually quite false. What is subversive about this idea is that we’ve scientifically known the opposite for going on three decades now thanks to genetic sciences. Humanity, as I describe in The Biology of Cuckolding, isn’t wired to be monogamous.
Humans, while still part of the animal Kingdom, are more complicated behaviorally and live in a more complicated environment than our fellow mammals. This means it’s simply not practical or safe for human behavior to be directly matched with other mammals. By this, I mean the practice of the mother wren sneaking off and coupling with multiple males every time she’s fertile isn’t a behavior we would want to encourage among humanity simply because of the inherent risks in such behaviors. But, simply extending a monogamous pair-bonding to include just one more male can make all the difference in being closer to our biological sexuality.
So, let me get this, does this mean all married men are just chumps. It is OK for a cuckold to believe this as he gets sexual satisfaction from his submission, that is fine. However this has huge implications for the majority, millions of married men.Surely it is basic and fundamental. Of course men will have sex with available females they are sexually attracted to there is no reason why females would be any different. However, though, males or females who have tried hard to be monogamous for the sake of their children, family, society, job , respectability, whatever the reason, are completely devastated when the other partner cheats. There is no historical evidence to suggest, even in primitive societies, the pair bonded individual was not devastated by cheating. We simply cannot use animal behaviour as in any way comparable to humans. We are millions of years advanced on our nearest ancestors in the animal kingdom. A gorilla does not collect a paycheck. A bird does not spend eight hours per day in a call centre. Baby gorillas do not need changed or put to bed at seven o clock. Swans do not commute to work. Human beings are unique in our consciousness. We are aware of our feelings and we live largly in a world of logic. Most people know what they are getting into in marriage . Marriage is where both agree basically not to cheat and mess up the other’s psychology to the extent they cannot function. Cheating in marriage is like signing a job contract and working in another job at the same time. We also have a hugely complex sex life where we are even using machines to enhance our feelings, machines such as computers and sex toys. We are separated from swans by at least 250 million years the age of the dinosaurs pre Triassic The latest thinking is we split from chimps around seven million years ago. Any resemblance to worms goes back maybe 500 million years. But of course we are not monogamous naturally, but what is the big deal, we know that we know how we feel. We do not need comparison to ancient cousins to prove that. We have developed a complex way of living in the non biological social world which works for most people at the price of supressed polyamory. Cuckolding is a means of having fun within the rules and regulations we all agree to as a society. If there was no marriage or partnerships and men and women could just express themselves like birds society would be in a mess. Children would be unsure of their parentage, the surname system would disappear. Multiple fights would break out as feral humans had sex with each other in all sorts of circumstances. This would be no biological garden of eden. Lets get real biology only tells us we are actually attracted to others of our species, is that supposed to be a surprise……….. Cuckolding in modern humans is not a product of biology but a product of our ever complex social structure. I think we should concentrate on articles or scientific studies which show how cuckolding may have worked, or is still working in other developed human societies. There may be some societies removed from out western influence which have practiced cuckolding and found it works. It may be we are the first set of people to explore and enjoy cuckolding. However if cuckolding does work it will do so as part of our developed social structures and will work in the same way that traditional marriage has done. It will only work if there is an overall benefit to society and only then..
Good response Nigel. Cuckolding would not work if everyone was polyamoros… even tho I am sure it would be immense fun. The fact that my wife is married to me and is my wife.. MY WIFE!! This makes the fact that she wants other men.. better men than I.. this creates that emotional torture and angst deep inside me.. the feelings deep within me that only a married man can feel when his wife desires another.. and takes another. Surely the Bull also needs to know that he is taking something that isn’t his too… and the cuckold is sitting somewhere in emotional torment and or extreme sexual pleasure as he knows his wife is with him.
Cuckbobby
Glad you agree. The idea that we are biologically programmed to be monogamous or not is just ridiculous. Cuckolding is a social thing. the cuck has married a woman and probably did not expect as he said ” I do ” that she would fuck other men even if she wanted to. He has been cuckolded, like me, initially not his choice, or he has chose it. But then what is choice he may have seen the way it was going and opted for cuckolding as the least worst option in the pain pleasure syndrome. Either way it is his wife who is cuckolding him and he who is in his own particular torment..
It doesn’t have to be one way or the other. Evolution is complex and doesn’t always lend well to simple laws (scientific or social) that we find convenient. We may well have biological imperatives to be polygamous – that only makes sense. Monogamy makes sense too, for other reasons. The two may be contradictory when taken as prescriptions for how an individual should behave, but that doesn’t mean they’re incompatible across the whole population. Far from it. Cuckolding is proof of the point: The bull is polygamous, the cuck is monogamous, and the wife may be either.