Building The Bond

As counter-intuitive as it sounds, the practice of inviting another male into the marriage to fill an active, sexual role can and should deepen the marital bonds of husband and wife.

Marital Muscle

We all understand the idea of a emotional bond – something we can’t see or touch, but is nonetheless real. Now take that concept a step further and consider that bond a muscle. Muscles, as we know, grow weak without use. Taking that analogy a bit further: a muscle doesn’t strengthen through use – it has to be actively exercised, broken down, rebuilt stronger. Cuckolding is an ideal method for exercising the marital muscle because it knowingly and lovingly violates the societal norms of monogamy and requires a couple to communicate effectively through mental, emotional and physical channels.

Couples in a healthy relationship routinely make use of their marital muscle, but rarely exercise it. Exercise requires putting the muscle under strain then allowing the muscle to heal and rebuild itself. When a hotwife dates, for example, she exercises the martial muscle. When she comes home to her cuckold, cuddles with him in bed and begins to share her experience with him that day, the next day and/or over the days and weeks to come, the marital muscle is rebuilt stronger. In truth, it’s not only the act of the hotwife’s dating that causes this exercise, it’s any and all of the aspects of cuckolding including date preparation, shopping for her dating outfits, their communication between dates, loving teasing between the hotwife and her cuckold, and so forth. This is why adding new aspects to the experience or deepening the scope of an individual aspect adds to the bond’s strength – each adds a new fiber to the larger marital muscle.

When a hotwife shares her (dating) experience with her husband it helps the husband feel he was included: feeling included is critical to helping the cuckold manage his anxiety. It’s not that a husband doesn’t want to share his wife, it’s more that he’s been taught from an early age that other men are always a threat to the relationship. It’s the hotwife’s responsibility to demonstrate that’s not the true.

In this case, her husband was there to witness and even document their coupling. When trying to share such an experience with a cuckold, put yourself in the place of the camera and describe for your husband what he would have seen had he been there.

Sharing Methods

This sharing isn’t only dependent on the hotwife dating – it can and should be part of day to day life in other ways as well:

• verbal teasing: Wives avoid it fearing they will hurt his feelings, but the reality is that it would only be hurtful to him if he felt that’s the reason she teases him. When both appreciate it as an aspect of sharing, it’s enjoyed as such.
• physical teasing: Wives avoid it because it leads to their cuckold being aroused and then expecting sex. When a cuckold gives up control of his penis and accepts that it’s up to his wife (and/or her boyfriend) to determine when/how they couple, both can more readily enjoy physically teasing the cuckold.
• visual teasing: Wives avoid dressing to tease their husband (or anyone else) for the same reasons as above as well as over a fear of how others will judge her for being overtly provocative. Though common, it’s quite sad that a woman would put the opinion of strangers and those she barely knows above what’s enjoyable and healthy for her marriage and lifestyle.
• aural teasing: Wives avoid letting their husband listen to their side of phone calls with their boyfriend out of a fear of hurting him and/or out of desire to have ‘privacy’. This is one of those cases, as most all of cuckolding is, where compromise is important. If a hotwife wants some privacy to talk dirty to her boyfriend, she should also let her husband have at least a taste of hearing it so it doesn’t seem something she’s hiding from him or excluding him from. That is what causes anxiety and mistrust.

Examples:

• visual
  • documenting your experience by photos and/or video
    • nearly everyone has a smart phone, so use it
      • document the things your cuckold needs to see
      • having them will fill in the ‘mental blanks’ when he’s imagining you with him
      • having them provides a tool for discussion/sharing for weeks/months
      • having them delays necessity of having him present if boyfriend is reluctant
  • dressing more provocatively day to day rather than just for dates
    • feeds the voyeur aspect to your husband’s cuckold role
    • reminds him that you are available to other men, if only visually, but perhaps more
    • feeds the submissive aspect to being a cuckold by dressing as pleases your boyfriend
• verbal
  • asking the husband if he remembers you have have a date on (day)
    • asking him if he’s thought about what you should wear
    • remind him, even though he knows, that your boyfriend really likes your (body part)
    • talk about outfits you can wear that will show off your (body part) for your boyfriend
• physical
  • now, because of your verbal teasing, he’s becoming erect
    • tease it through his pants with just a finger or cup him in your hand
    • repeat the obvious and verbalize that you are aware of and enjoy his excitement
    • remember that he would much rather endure the frustration in order to enjoy your touch
• aural
  • call your husband from your boyfriend’s place
    • it’s not only a good idea, safety-wise in a new relationship, but effective at both ‘feeding’ your cuckold and helping him manage his anxiety
    • tell him how undressed you and where you’re being touched
    • don’t be afraid to talk to him while your boyfriend is inside you
      • don’t be afraid to verbalize having him inside you
  • call your boyfriend and confirm your date
    • mention the two or three outfits you and your cuckold discussed and let him choose
    • tell your boyfriend how excited your cuckold was helping you choose
    • let your cuckold listen to a bit of the ‘phone sex’ that builds anticipation for the date
      • tell him later about the part he didn’t get to listen to

Keep in mind that many, if not most, of these things can actually happen in public places with only the barest of privacy options. Keeping your voice low, teasing him momentarily when you know you aren’t being watched – or perhaps because you are – should always be considered. This play should never be restricted to the home; when it is, it feels like it’s only part of your bedroom life, not your marriage and relationship.

 Sharing An Encounter

Sharing encounters with your husband is essential, but how you do it is just as important. By ‘encounter’ I mean any experience related to the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle and the aspects related to it. The ‘how’ I refer to is more teasing, explicit and less technical.

When you describe what happened, remember that your husband is ‘watching’ you through his imagination. He needs the little details as well as the big ones to build that scene in his mind. Even if it’s a familiar situation, don’t skip the details because the act of sharing them is more what builds the bond, not the content.

Don’t avoid moments in the encounter that lead to obvious comparisons of the boyfriend vs. the husband, in fact, look for those opportunities. Contrasts drive a significant portion of the erotic process in this lifestyle be that contrast size, race, stamina, or a combination of any/all of them.

Even though her husband has stood next to her boyfriend and been directly compared, it’s still important that this hotwife mention such details explicitly when sharing an encounter with her husband that he was not present for. Even if he was present for it, the hotwife should share details about her experience with her cuckold that couldn’t be shared or known in the moment.

Even if they’ve never occupied the same room together or seen each other, a hotwife can hold her husband’s penis and demonstrate the physical differences between his penis and her boyfriend’s cock. Or, she could show him where, on her belly, her boyfriend’s erect cock extends to when he’s laying atop her, yet not yet inside her. Again, the content of what’s shared is important with regard to being more explicit and less technical, but it’s the act of sharing it that has the most value.

One reason I so highly encourage a cuckold’s active participation during date preparation is the value it holds for exercising the marital bond while sharing intimacy physically and emotionally.

Helping prepare one’s wife for someone else is an erotic contrast, but doing so while restrained, for example, takes it to an entirely new level. In this couple’s case, they are enjoying the contrast of her inviting someone else inside her while her husband cannot even attain an erection. Is chastity necessary? No, not at all. If you think about it, being free and erect provides better opportunities for the hotwife to physically tease her cuckold and enjoy the gift of his obvious need for her as well as the gift of him accepting her boyfriend has priority, sexually.

• ask the questions you already know the answer(s) to simply to force verbalization
• understand that reminding him of the pleasure you have with your boyfriend is important
• understand that reminding him of the pleasure you enjoy from his sacrifice is good for you both

It usually takes a while for a boyfriend to become comfortable with the idea of having the husband in the room while enjoying full sexual benefits with the wife. In these cases, it’s even more important that the hotwife share explicitly in the events in that bed. It’s also important that she ‘work’ her boyfriend and tell him while in that bed how erotic it will be for her to have her husband witness her orgasm on his cock. If you make it more erotic for your boyfriend than a burden of expectation, you’re far more likely to get there.

Even if your husband was invited into the bedroom at some point to witness you cuddling with your boyfriend in this manner, you should still plan on talking about it with him over the days and weeks to come. Your cuckold needs to know how you felt having him in your marital bed, how that added to your pleasure. Describe what your hands did under the sheets that he couldn’t see when he was in the room even if it’s obvious what you were doing.

Practice describing your boyfriend’s endowments to your husband. Don’t worry, your husband’s isn’t so curious because he’s secretly gay. His need to know details about your boyfriend’s cock and even his testicles is driven by the need to draw that mental image of you two coupling as well as the desire to be humbled by the overt demonstration, by his wife, that she intimately knows the genitals of another male.

• Describe length, both in terms of measurement and in terms of being ‘this much’ longer, demonstrated using the cuckold’s erect penis
• Describe the shape of the shaft; is it thicker at the base or more oval than round?
• Describe the head or glans of his cock; is it thicker than the shaft? Does it have a pronounced corona?
• Describe the size and weight of his balls; do they fill your hands? Does he like you licking and sucking on them?
• Tell him about the veins that run the length of the cock
• Tell him what methods get your boyfriend hard for you the fastest
• Tell him what your boyfriend’s cock tastes like

Bare Your Soul

Perhaps the most important sharing you can do with your cuckold is to tell him how you value him in this role.

• Tell him how it makes you feel to know a man you love in turn loves you enough to step aside sexually for another male.
• Tell him how you think of him when you’re with your boyfriend and how sharing this with your husband is something you look forward to.
• Tell him you love teasing his penis and denying him sex – and tell yourself it’s OK to enjoy that!

In the end, this experience is about you two as a couple even though another male/other males will play a very significant role. Always keep in mind that the ones to please first are yourselves.

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