Says he is not a cuck, but…

He is definitely a cuck. No doubt about it. If I were him, I’d be proud to admit it. Perhaps you could tell him how it takes a very sexually confident man to let other men fuck his wife, and he should be proud of that? 

If the guy says he’s not a cuck, then he’s not. This term is thrown around here far too much, frankly. As the term was originally used in Shakespeare, it was a deep insult to a man. Basically it meant he was such a blind fool he couldn’t see what everyone already knew, that his woman was playing for a fool and fucking around.

If a man decides to share his wife and enjoy the hell out of it, that does not make him a cuck. For one thing he knows damn well what his wife does.

And there’s a whole cuckold culture that’s gown up around this lifestyle that I as a man would find deeply insulting. Cuckolds around here are treated as men that are inadequate to the basic task of being a man to their woman. For some that inadequacy is some kind of point of pride. Fine, their deal, let ’em have it.

But if a man shares his wife and gets off on seeing her take a dick the size of a 2 x 4 up her ass and then gets up, cums on her face and tells her, “for gods sake, you slut, clean up your mess”, calling that guy a cuck might just get you back handed through a wall.

The guy don’t want to be no cuck. Fine, drop the subject.

The cuck label for some is quite pejorative, though it is a matter of personal interpretive semantics. There are certainly many in this lifestyle who are not submissive to the extent of humiliation.  For us, it is hotwife and hotwife’s hubby.  However, the term cuckold can be applied also without offense as long as there isn’t some humiliation trip associated with it.  For those who are into humiliation, that’s all cool too; it’s just not us and many others like us.

Agree about the pejorative quality of the term “cuck” – i didn’t like this for years and swore blind i was a confident, sexually competent, alpha male who just happened to love watching his wife have amazing sex with other men (who I always secretly hoped would be taller, bigger and most importantly – better hung than me!)  My wife felt the same way (particularly about the bigger cocks!) and was reluctant to use the word.

Now i am comfortable to say that I am a cuck and we use the term between us without a problem.  We still don’t bother with the humiliation element – its just not our thing.  But we do acknowledge that her lovers are always (by design) much bigger than me and we are open and honest with each other about how much she has come to love the way that feels – emotionally and physically.

We both enjoy teasing me about the prowess of her lovers – but its not humiliation, i don’t feel threatened or demeaned, I am too confident in our relationship for that – we feel a tremendous bond of mutual closeness and intimacy that’s borne from the vulnerability of absolute honesty about what turns you on. 

in the end there is no formula for this – there is no right and wrong way to enjoy this lifestyle – or any other.  It’s a journey and your perspective changes as you go.

@sinnermike said:
Cuckolds around here are treated as men that are inadequate to the basic task of being a man to their woman.

No, cuckolds are not treated that way here. I’ve worked long to dispel the notion that being a cuckold is a synonym for inadequate. What cuckold inherently means is having a submissive, or at least not leadership role, in the sharing of the wife.

As I’ve said repeatedly in articles and posts on this site and in discussions in the chatroom, there are only two ways to share a wife: from a position of authority or from a position lacking authority. If a husband takes a passive or ‘neutral’ role rather than an obviously submissive one – it’s still not a position of leadership and therefore is still a cuckold role even if/even though it’s not fully expressed or realized.

Many husbands/couples have a negative view of the term cuckold because of the stupid fucking cuckold porn which promotes the misconceptions about cuckolding and it prevents them from accepting and enjoying it for what it is.

Yes, inadequacy plays a role in this lifestyle – sometimes it’s a large factor in a couples choice to pursue this and sometimes it’s a small factor. The reason inadequacy exists as a factor is because it helps create need, urgency, and contrast. As I’ve written about here, cuckolding is a lifestyle based on the recognition, creation and expansion of contrasts – being ‘less’ able to do X is a contrast.

We do NOT see ‘cuckold’ as a pejorative here and anyone using it as such will find themselves unwelcome and fast.

Well said LUVR.

First, after writing this, I think that I may have strayed from the original topic, but it is definitely related.  As a point of reference, I’m in the same boat as Happywife’s husband and she couldn’t have described me better (except that my wife hasn’t been with another man yet).  I’m new to the site / lifestyle concept and am so far curious and fascinated.  I don’t care what you call it…I’m interested.  I guess that my real questions center around the fact that I have read a lot (both here and at other sites) and I seem to get conflicting information.  Yes, even within this site.  Maybe it’s my interpretation or perception that is conflicted, but here goes.

1)   Above, Luvr said that there are two ways to share…that makes sense. But then, by that definition, the relationship described in paragraph one of Mengtzu’s post above would be not overtly submissive and therefore still a cuck. However, after reading Mengtzu’s post a couple of times, it seems to me as if they share the leadership jointly as a couple (even though there is teasing / mild humiliation and joking about the term cuck). Granted, there is far too little info to make that statement, but why can’t a couple share the leadership role also?  This I don’t really understand.  Sure, I see why the naturally more dominant would take the leadership role more often, but why couldn’t / wouldn’t someone want to take the backseat for a change of pace?  This is fairly common in traditional sexual relationships…right?  So, why not in cuckolding?

2)   I agree that the cuckold concept is not presented as pejorative at this site, per se. However, posts like “penis vs. cock”, “sissy theory” and the whole chastity theme seem to take the humiliation aspect so far as to become degrading and therefore project a pejorative image.  Look, I’m not judging here; I’m just trying to understand.  To each their own and if someone likes chastity, panties, public humiliation, etc. good for them that they have found what rocks their world. For me personally, I just cannot imagine ever getting turned on by that…angry maybe, but not turned on.  My question is, at what point does the humiliation turn into degradation or abuse?  Because, at some point, it must…right, wrong or a matter of personal perspective?

       In the end, maybe the whole idea of whether the treatment here of the term cuck or the posts about its different aspects / descriptions is pejorative or degrading is nothing more than a matter of personal perspective. Maybe it simply depends on the intent of the person making the statements and the attitude of the person(s) receiving the comments.  For instance, I could find it very exciting to see my wife receiving pleasure from another man, but I’m pretty sure that if the bull / dom tried to deny me long term sexual access to my wife, impose chastity devices, make me wear panties…well you get the idea…there would be a problem pretty quickly.  Why?  Because, to me, it would feel degrading (beyond humiliating), but I know that there are others who would find being on the receiving end of that treatment very exciting for a variety of reasons.  

Please help me understand the difference between the site’s acceptance of some “extreme” forms of cuckolding / humiliation (esp. verbal humiliation by the bull and wife of her husband) and a pejorative attitude toward the cuck  or refer me to posts where this has already been explained.  Again, I’m not judging, but it’s difficult for me to understand how these more intense forms of cuckolding could not be perceived as pejorative when practiced or condoned by a bull or a dom who engages in same.  Without citing specifics, I have seen other examples in the forum that have really given me pause.  One more time…not judging.

He a cuck, but does it matter on titles, if you both having a good time, why worry about it.

I really had a problem with the word cuckold and  I was reluctant to perform some of the duties that one expects of a cuckold but I finally came to enjoy it. It was easy for me to clean my wife after she had been fucked by her bull but fluffing took a little while for me to get comfortable with. But her pleasure and her bull’s pleasure trumps my wishes. Now prepping my wife and her bull gives me pleasure. The cock cage is still uncomfortable after several hours  however.

I agree. Why worry about the label “cuck” ? If he is pleasing you in all ways consider yourself lucky and don’t worry about what to call it. At least that is how I feel. My wife doesn’t call me a cuck but I clearly am and love it

I believe all of us have different kinks that make us tick. We do the things that please us because it is in our control to do so. We live this alternative lifestyle because we enjoy it and it lets us break away from the traditional marriage we all find mundane and allows us to find comfort in our own skin.  In the beginning I felt that portraying the submissive role was only important to me and I was working too hard to bottom from the top as Jennifer just couldn’t understand Her role or my needs.  As i continued to push the issue and the envelope and accepting myself as a submissive, it created routine and expectations of me to the point that She became irritated and pissed if my list of daily tasks were not completed.  As I worked harder to feel the pleasure of serving Her and to bring Her joy by taking away more and more trivial duties that She normally would carry out, She began to embrace Her power in our marriage. She realized the power of leverage knowing that i only feel comfort as a submissive. She realized the power of sexuality in my need for Her attention. She realized the financial leverage because She is the bread winner and i’m the house husband.  As our relationship evolved She has strengthen Her position and is very clear when She is not happy.  It is at this time when I truly submit to Her in order to keep peace in our marriage and prevent upsetting Her. When She is disappointed in me i feel like the scolded puppy as i lay at Her feet. There was a time when Her power made Her uncomfortable, now it is absolute. 

As for the term cuckold, it’s a word we embrace because we both enjoy it and agree to it. As much power as Jennifer knows She has in our marriage, She would never intentionally be cruel to me or make me feel horrible inside. It doesn’t give Her pleasure to see me miserable or in agony. She exercises Her authority on behalf of both of us. She knows what we both need even when our needs expand to new horizons.  She enjoys Her bull because I enjoy Her being with Him. She has me cleanup after Him because She understands i feel the most submissive in that duty which pleases and benefits us both. To us me being a cuckold is surrendering myself to Her and allowing Her to create the lifestyle and sexual atmosphere that is best for us. i’ve given myself to Her because i trust Her and believe in Her to nurture our marriage in this dynamic in order to bring us both happiness.  She cuckolds me because it’s great for our marriage. She keeps me in chastity 1-3 weeks of the month because it’s great for our marriage. She teases and denies me because it’s great for our marriage. She allows me infrequent intercourse because it’s great for our marriage. She implements these directives because She understands i become most submissive and work harder to serve Her and willingly concede to Her decisions.  This is our perfect harmony and is our meaning of being a cuckold couple.

For us, cuckolding was kind of a role play game that we enjoyed and the more we ‘played’, the more we got into it seriously. I’m now in chastity much of the time now that I’ve found a more comfortable device and I now accept the fact that I’m a cuckold and it’s real. It’s a relief now that I don’t have to attempt to compete with a real man to try and satisfy my wife sexually.