Why I want to be a cuckold

This’ll be an account of what lead up to my interest in this lifestyle, as well as why I think I would love being a cuckold, myself.

As of writing this, I’m 24 years old and single. And I guess I’m on my own path of self discovery; including understanding and exploring my own sexual needs and desires. I would like figure out this shit out now when I have time rather than later, and it be only a last attempt to keep a dying flame alive.

First, a base line of what I interpret this life style to be: Marriage is (or should be) built on a foundation of trust, love and understanding. A cuckold marriage/serious relationship should to be too, as well as “allowing” your spouse to also have their own personal liberties. I say “allow”, but, in reality, most women will do what they want regardless of what you “allow”. I believe women should be in charge of their own sexuality; and should have, like any man, the opportunity to explore, understand and experiment as much as they want to. I feel no person, no matter how much you are loved by them or how important they are to you, should stand in your way of being able to find what will and will not make you happy. Within reason, of course. And I wouldn’t ever call it “sharing” or “giving my wife away”; I do not own her, she’s fucking whoever she sees fit to fuck that day. If I truly love her, she will always my beloved…but she will never be mine. And I do not want to own her…or for her to own me. We are just two consenting adult who live together, love each other, work together to earn a decent living, and share some our sex partners between ourselves.

What lead me into being an aspiring cuckold?: I grew up with mostly women in life. All my dominant figures – women. I’ve always been comfortable and uncomfortable around women. I can always speak to women pretty easily about anything, even about sex. But it has alway been to difficult to…I don’t know, I guess…”seduce” would be a good word. I have a hard time getting engaged with a woman like that. There has always been plenty of suiters, some of them were so beautiful, fun and, most importantly, they were attracted to me; but always due to my hesitance, they would pass me up for the person who actually showed interest. Each time it hurt. It even hurts just thinking about it. I never had a steady relationship, just friendships. All the wasted chances. But the ones that really got me were the more recent affairs.

I got rejected hard by my best friend (a Sagittarius, btw). We always had good chemistry, and we were true best friends. But I loved her more than that. I tried to explain how I felt; she was, at that time, dating my other best friend, and so she, reasonably, distance her self from me. And do did everyone else. One little act of “love” and I lose my entire friend circle. Later on, when she broke up with him because he had cheated on her, she wanted to get back at him. So, at school, she walks right up to me in the hallways and, right in front of him and other people, tells me how sexy I was looking in my red button up shirt that day and she proceed to give me her number, and told me to call her up later. So, naturally, I called her up. And consoled her, I reaffirm her confidence in herself by telling her how beautiful she was and how she’ll be able find someone (like a total cuck)…and not once thought that this could be my chance to finally nail her. Because I actually loved her and I didn’t want to just screw her – I wanted her. We hang up and I felt proud of what I did and thought that this could be the start of something new and wonderful. Later on she texts me to see if I was still up. I had already fallen asleep at that time so I didn’t see her text until the next morning. So she calls up another friend from our group, a future marine then, and they fucked each other. That affair was kinda the final split that tore our group apart. I texted her the next morning to see why she had texted me. She said no reason, “me and a friend were just working”. Then the next time I see her she tells me that she had already found a new boyfriend and he was one of ours from the group. It didn’t take me long to figure out what “justing working out” in the middle of the night meant. I was devastated. She brought him by one night over to one of my friends house. I couldn’t bear to look her in eyes, I coward down like a turtle into shell and didn’t say a word. I just kept getting drunk. She saw what she did to me. She tried to make casual conversation, but I wouldn’t contribute. They ended up leaving to go to a party to just to have a fight and end separating that night. I haven’t seen her in person again since then.

We have talked over the phone though, she tried many times to repair our friendship. I, having thought that I learned my lesson about not acting soon enough, kept trying to get with her. At a point, she had to get mean about it. She said I wasn’t the type of man that she need and that she liked her me big, strong and stout. “Real men” as she put it. As this point, she always dating someone who she would later be engaged to – while I was unemployed, almost homeless and now looked like shit having gotten skinny from not eating and constantly drinking. I wasn’t graceful in the presence of a implied insult. She told me to never to speak to her again after that. That, and a few other things, is what lead me to try to commit suicide.

I’m not proud of the way I treated her from day one, I always took her and her friendship for granted. I’m not proud of a lot of decisions that I made in the last five years. But I did hit the bottom, and now I’m slowly on my way back up. Hopefully towards something better.

On my back up, I met a 40 year old woman (also a Sagittarius, btw) during my time in the hospital who sorta restored and shattered my confidence at the same time. She was from Alabama, and she was still in an abusive relationship with her husband who left a permanent dint in her face. But she loved me. I was so sweet, I had curly dark hair and gave her attention no one else would. I sat there and just listen to her talk. She had a lot to say, and repeated a bunch of it. She started up a love affair with me that consisted of hand holding and footsies. That was all we could get away with in the hospital. Prior to that, she had explored herself thoroughly. She was bisexual and she loved making love with women and black guys the most (both for very different reasons). While I was around, she would flirt with a couple of the black guys who were also in there and try to get them blush by saying some nasty stuff. She was also trying to get me to blush. I mentioned to her once that I was into *cuckolding porn and that I thought that I was at least bicurious. I’d also told her that I was in need of a driving force in my life, someone who’ll keep me in line and make sure I do whats right. I think she put two and two together, and figured what I was and what I needed. She loved to embarrass me, but she made sure I knew that it was only in fun. She also made sure that we weren’t going to have sex until we got much closer. The black men, though – they’d be able fuck her whenever she’s wanted. I had never been so embarrassed and turned on at the same time before. After we got out, we tried to start something up. She moved in with me and we lived together for a very short while. We didn’t get any scenario going, but we flirted with the idea and she flirted with a black dude once. But then I called it off because she was still involved with her abusive ex (didn’t want any of that shit) and she was getting back into drinking heavy where I was wanting to stay sober. So that was that.

*Before I was in the hospital though: I had always been sexual curious. One of the first books that I bought and read all the way through was called “Human Sexuality”, and in it holds many viewpoints, counter-viewpoints, in depth discussions and some personal experiences about a range of topics like the porn industry, rape, childhood sexuality, incest and celibacy, to name a few. So the desire to learn more has always been there. Having grown up with women and being the youngest in family – I perceived women in a different light than most men. I’ve always been told what a woman wants. But not how to attract them. When I watch porn (all the time), I’ve always enjoy films where I can tell when a woman is actually enjoying herself (you can tell most of the time). So I (around 15 years old) started watch more “women porn”. You know, lesbian porn, porn with four play and cunnilingus, faux incest porn (apparently)… But then I discovered my first cuckold video. Interestingly enough, it was video of a “mom” cuckolding her “son”(who was five years younger than her) with a black friend of his. And boy, that actress sure was getting off on the idea. And I don’t what it says about me (well, I kinda do now), but I did enjoy it too. I never watched a lot films with black guys before. I always felt intimidated (even through a video) by how much bigger and more masculine they were than me. But now it’s getting to the point where I can’t watch any porn unless it has a black man in it or was about cuckolding. Or, at least, those are my favourites. I find some black men to be incredibly sexy. I especially like watching Black & Bi Cuckolding videos.

Cuckolding porn and the associated cultures have really turned me on in way I haven’t felt before. It’s a hard feeling to describe. And after experiencing what I have, getting a preview of life as a cuckold; I think it’s the life I want to have with my future lover. I love being teased and denied, and I would love to see my woman getting fucked like how she needs it. I’ll be happy to do what I can, but if she needs more – I’ll get it for her…

Or I guess that’s why I am here, at least. To see if this is really what I want or if I’m not cut out to be a cuck.

I will always be more than glad to talk to anyone about this topic or my lack of experiences. Hopefully I can find some understanding here as well as maybe someone to love and devote to. Who knows? *I want actual conversations with actual people, not just perverts who get themselves off by typing something on someone’s message-boards.*