New obsession

Thank you for sharing your story.  There is an old proverb for couples in alternative lifestyles, “The man gets the couple started in the lifestyle, and the woman keeps the couple in it”.  Almost every couple will advise that communication is essential.  To move forward with this, you could continue the pillow talk, and present some of the fantasies that you have become obsessed with.  Proceed with caution and start slow and give your wife time to soak in the thoughts.  You could also share erotic stories on the topics you are interested in, or try to find videos to watch with your wife.  If you can get her to watch and enjoy a video, or read a story, then keep feeding her more on the very same topics or scenes you are most interested in.  It is important to find out what turns your wife on and try to cater around that too.

The most important thing is to preserve the marriage and relationship that you already have.  Adding another to the bedroom activity should enhance the relationship and bring the two of you closer together, but that will only happen if done correctly.  There could be negative outcomes by rushing into things, or not finding the right match to a new partner you would open your marriage to.  You and your wife will have to establish rules and boundaries for the sake of preserving what you already have.  You will want to establish what activity would be totally off limits at any time, and what softer limits you may not be comfortable with now, but may be open to once comfort, trust, and confidence is established in a new lifestyle relationship.

You may also want to define your goals from entering relations with someone from outside the marriage.  This could be sexually oriented, but it does not always have to be.  It can be surprising to find out how many nonsexual benefits there can be from letting in another lover.  You should not just consider the thrill of sharing your wife for the first time, but also look down the road and consider how you would envision your relationship a year after, and even five or ten years further down.  Being able to map things out with your wife in regards to where the boundaries are, and what direction to go with a new relationship, and how to get around any foreseen obstacles could really pay off down the road.

You will want to discover what it is you desire from such a relationship, and what roles everyone in such an alternative lifestyle will have.  There are several established models that provide general roles for each person in the relationship.  You do not have to follow any ideas or notions on these roles that don’t fit you, but it may be worth exploring for ideas.  Defining the expectations that you and your wife have for each other and a new lover, and what each of you is willing to give to the relationship could prove very helpful.  Communication, planning, and discussion are essential to make things work long term.

After you achieve that, you may want to post an ad or profile and begin your search for a lover.  You could look for opportunities to have erotic chats or cybersex with someone new, while both you and your wife are at the computer.  This could prove enjoyable, but also be a good way to test for any jealousies and easy to break off if things do not feel comfortable.  You will then be ready to find the new lover to come into your marriage.

May you have great success.

@noneya71 said:
Hello,

I have been reading this site for a week or so and thought I would say hello and provide a little history. My wife and I are in our forties have been married for 15+ years and we have three kids all boys. When we first got together we could hardly keep our hands off each other. Like most couples over the years our love has remained strong but the sexual aspect has begun to wane. We still have sex regularly (2-3 times a week depending on life) but that lusty passion that once was has waned to the point it is more just routine. We have explored many popular fantasies, introduced some toys(vibrators for the most part) and done the whole role playing thing over the years.  We have shared fantasies of threesomes both MFM and MFF (both my ideas) and we have played those out during pillow talk. We always lean towards the MFM fantasies since she would get uncomfortable thinking of me with another woman but was quite turned on by the idea of being shared. During these role playing moments I was always excited by the idea of her being taken by another man but it was not until lately when I took to the internet looking for ways to spice up our sex life that I came across this hotwife/cuckold fantasies and the light bulb came on for me.

I think I have jerked of more in the last few weeks then I have in my entire life. I have not brought this new obsession to my wife’s attention yet as I am afraid of where it could lead. It seems this lifestyle is not easy to maintain and I have noticed a lot stories that have not ended well. I also don’t like the idea of giving up sex with my wife completely or being humiliated. The turn on for me would be bringing that new relationship lust and energy back into our relationship through vicarious means. Since my wife is not comfortable with the idea of me being with another woman and I am turned on by the idea of her with another man this seems like what could reinvigorate our sex life and bring that energy back. I know the best course is probably to begin introducing the idea slowly and with a lot of honest communication. My wife has a tough time being honest when she thinks or in some cases knows the truth might hurt me. I will have to work really hard at making her comfortable expressing her honest feelings.

I would love to hear other members thoughts and experiences getting from where I am to where you are in your relationships.

Hi

New here also.

Both my wife and I are mid 50s, empty nesters.

My wife has been with her old boy friend a few times now and its been fantastic every time. We are all 3 talking about this life style and how it has helped all of us. Last week at dinner Don asked me what would i like? I looked at my wife and said, I would like to see you both deeply in love and making love, not just fucking. My wife looked at me and then looked at Don and said YES she would like this very much. Don looked at me and said “I have deep respect for both of you for inviting me to do this” Don has been widowed for 3 years now.

Hearing this made it so much more passionate for us.

Later after Don left my wife and I were talking. She said she is going to like this. I told her that there is something i would like also? What is that she asked. You know how much i like lingerie? Yes she replied. I would like for you and I to both be wearing garters, stockings, bra, panties, slip while you are with Don in our bed, his or out on the town. Her reply was thats it? Yes besides watching your love making and hearing about it.

I will stop here as not to make a huge long post.

Enjoy

I’m new here too. My wife and I have been together 17 yrs with two kids. I have mentioned my willingless to watch her fuck someone else. I stated I trusted her completely to make the best decisions for our marriage. She never said yes or no so I think she is enterested in it. I am a Sub and content with that. I was wondering how do you bring a bull into the relationship and when. How in the world would you ask someone to fuck your wife? All I can think of is just let it happen. I am thinking of buying a dick extention to let her feel what it would be like. Any ideas.

Hello, i don’t think all cuckold marriages have to end with problems. Many don’t and husband and wife become very much closer together. This certainly happened for Sarah and i and i don’t think we regret for a single moment our lifestyle choice. It isn’t just about sex and desires but about creating the space in which all three of us in a relationship can express ourselves. Both Sarah and i are quite submissive and bringing a dominant man into our marriage allowed Sarah new experiences and ways of being that she couldn’t with me. It allowed me to be truly submissive in my marriage and it allowed Michael the opportunity to express his sexual dominance. The secret is open communication. You have to be honest with each other, but you also have to communicate with your wife’s bull or lover. If you are just interested in threesomes there are many to be found on the swinging contact sites but a cuckold relationship involves so much more. It is lived 24/7, is as much mental and emotional as it is physical. Every one in the relationship has to give of themselves such that the space is one in which all three can freely express their feelings, wants, desires and needs and know they will be treated with respect and dignity.

There is a lot on the cuckolding sites about humiliation. i can honestly say that i have never felt humiliated or threatened by either Sarah or Michael. My life has been enriched and i certainly hope that that of Sarah and Michael has been too. The rewards emotionally for me have been very great. Sarah has given me a wonderful gift which is to see her develop as a woman in ways i only ever dreamt of. There are simple examples in every aspect of life. i could ask Sarah to wear certain clothes, to dress in a flirty or provocative manner and she never would. Michael simply told her to do so and she would without question or demure. It is in our genes. Michael is alpha and i am not. Sarah responds to alpha and not beta/gamma.

i hope this helps. Keep talking and take care to meet the right man. Michael left last summer for a career move to another country. Sarah and Michael decided they couldn’t sustain a long distance relationship and we all parted on good terms with promises to meet up when we can. It’s taken us nearly a year to find a new balance and before we both feel the time is right to find someone else to share our marriage with.