Home › discussion › Lifestyle Discussions › Getting Started › Desperately need help ….
- This topic has 14 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by alicerai.
August 18, 2017 at 7:59 PM #18863LadyA
I love my husband of 10 years, but our sexual differences are putting a strain on our marriage.
My husband won’t stop asking me to cuckold him. At first, he wanted me to talk dirty to him about having sex with other men. Then it progressed to him wanting to be a cuckold. I only want to be with him, just like we used to be before we had kids. This used to be the good days when only me, my body was enough for him. But he presses the issue by verbalizing cuckold situations during sex. By the time he is done, I have no desire to orgasm because I no longer feel attractive. Worse, I feel like I am not enough for him. The only way he can get off is to think about, talk about, or hear me talk about having sex with other men.
Sometimes he would ask for me to give him a hand job while talking about dirty things I would do with other men. There was a time he would exclusively want quickies and hand job while I would tell him ‘cuckold stories’. I’ve spent months, at times a whole year without having any orgasm (other than masturbating myself) while he would use my body and cuckold stories to reach his orgasm at least once a day, average 2-3 times a day, and it could be more if he is in the mood. Never once making it possible for me to have any orgasm.
It makes me feel worthless as a sex partner—which is crazy, because I am attractive and open to a great deal of things (toys, games, dressing up, striptease, 3 threesome with another girl, going out without no panty, etc.). I long for him to touch me, kiss me, and look at me the way he used to. He is a good father and a good provider, and I love him. But this matter is crushing my self-esteem.
After talking about our issues at lengths and trying new things out, this past two years things has got better. We have limit ‘stories’ to one time a month. He is not allowed any quickies without my consent. He now takes more time trying to make me reach orgasm and refrains himself from verbalizing his cuckold fantasies as much as possible. But then the sex is unsatisfying for both of us. Even though he loves me dearly and want to satisfy me, he is rarely able to reach orgasm without mentioning or thinking about his cuckold fantasies. This is a big turn off for me. Specially if I feel he feels it as an obligation to make more foreplay and put aside his addiction. Also I still have difficulties reaching my orgasm because he is not as passionate, as manly and hard than when thinking or talking about me with other guys. He denies it, but its the truth. He does his best, but it feels like he’s not with me anymore.
After trying to make him give up to his addiction, I now accept it. I know now that he will never change. This is him. It defines his sexual orientation. But it doesn’t make things easier because I also have sexual urges I am unable to satisfy by masturbating. I am ashamed to admit it, but I long for a big cock that would fill that void I have in me. I have contemplated cheating on my husband but I love and respect him too much. He is a loving husband and a great father. But sex knowing that he wants me with other men is less satisfying than the times when I was the only subject of his fantasies.
So I took things in my hand and thought I might as well explore cuckolding with him in hopes of finding a man who would fulfill my sexual desires. I offered him rewards in the past. Three of them was about exploring cuckolding. All 3 times when we got back home and I admitted that I was not happy with the outcome. I was genuinely happy and turned on by HIS excitement, but those cuckolding setups made me feel offered to a random stranger, almost like a prostitute. Needless to say, I never had my orgasm. I’m happy we tried it though, but I now know things that won’t do it for me if we were to experience cuckolding once more, namely :
– My husband being present. Makes me shy, ashamed and simply uncomfortable.
– The other man being pushy, or too dominant, demanding lap dance, jerking off on my hair, etc. Makes feel feel like an escort, like I have to obey whatever HE says.
– The other man being a complete stranger. I have got to have a chemistry with someone for me to find him sexually attractive and wanting him. I want him to have considerations for me. Respect me.
– The other man should be attractive and have a nice tool. In my husband cuckold fantasies, he is always offering me to old unattractive men that I would fuck because I’m such a nympho. The problem is that my husband is a very attractive man himself. Why the hell would I go with someone who is not as attractive to my hubby ?? That doesn’t make sense.
At that point we had another cuckolding experience. I’ve met a man online. He was planning spending some days in town. We had a great chemistry together. I would tell my husband how things progressed with him. I really liked it. And my husband liked it too. He would be in such excitement that he would put me in charge. Totally in charge. He would play the perfect husband. Want to please me all day. And be submissive in bed. I enjoyed it so much. But when he gets his orgasm and the excitement fades. He becomes jealous, possessive, would sneak on my phone, accuse me of preferring the other man. To a point I stop any contact with the other guy twice. Online fun was great but hubby was confusing me. When he is in the mood, he would talk to me into it again and when his excitement subsides it would indirectly ask me to stop by being jealous.
One day out of the blue, the other man send me a text. He was in town. Spending one night in the hotel. I showed my husband the text and he urged me to go. He said there was no limit, just text him from time to time so he’ll know I’m okay. And that’s what I did. Although I had a great time with the other guy and have never wanted a man to fuck me so badly, we didn’t go beyond kissing and caressing. And that’s a great thing, believe me. Because when I got home, after hubby fucked me several times and his excitement subsided, and he clearly made me uncomfortable and ashamed of wanting another man with his jealousy. He demanded, then ordered that I stop texting the other man by the minute. This made me so confused, and angry. So angry.
I am truly confused because this is his ‘ultimate’ fantasy. He wanted me to do that. he put years of our life, trying to train me into being a hotwife. Now that I’ve agreed, with things being done my way, he is not happy. I feel like I’m being played by hubby. He tells me he feels insecure and unsafe knowing that I have such a chemistry with the other man, and that I really love him in a way, that turns him off. Then why push me on and off into it and then make me feel bad about it. I’m not a toy. Tired of being the sexual toy of Mr Cuckold.
So we decided AGAIN to not attempt anything until he works out his insecurity issues. I have showed him in every way I can that I am a loving and caring wife. That he is the father of my 3 kids and that nothing can take him from the first place. He is my priority, my number 1. He cheated on me often, made my life a nightmare, made kids to another woman, made me accept that he is and will always be a cuckold. If he does not realize now that I’m his, when will he ?
Also I question myself, when will he have some considerations for me and my needs sexually. Why must it always has it his way ?
Since my hubby cannot give up cuckolding, he always succeed in convincing me to try again. But guess what, it is not satisfying for me at all. He latest choice for me, an old fat rich man with a small penis. This way by sending me to unattractive men, he feels more secure, not jealous and happy with our sexual life. I keep telling him I am not turned on at all. He listens and nods. But keeps talking to me into meeting the fat guy again, until ‘he finds the good one’ and that the fat guy is gentle so it has to compensate.
I am desperate. I don’t know what to do. I’m so frustrated. I’m so horny all the time. I do not want to cheat on my husband. I want a way to make it work for both of us. But I am actually to a point of sexual frustration that I wouldn’t mind being taken by several men at a time.
And please excuse my English, its not my first language 🙂
August 18, 2017 at 8:16 PM #18865Professor
thank you for posting
the issue it seems is that your husband does not want this in reality, but only fantasy. And you have given in to his fantasies, but he has not given in to yours.
I have over 10 years experience and at this point, i think you should stop worrying about his fantasies and focus on your own.
What do you want? What kind of sex do you want? do you crave? what type of man do you want to have sex with?
Once you figure that out, then you can talk to your husband about his desires. I also recommend, putting him on what is a “cum schedule”
Basically, you limit the number of times he is allowed to cum during the week. Id start with one time per week for now. you pick the day. You can also make this work by buying him a penis cage and locking his penis up.
August 18, 2017 at 9:32 PM #18866LadyA
Thank you for your reply. It is very much appreciated.
I will give a “cum schedule” a try.
I have already figured out what I want from a possible bull. What setup would be ideal. I have learnt from our negative past experiences.
But making my husband accept that me having a chemistry with the bull is part of it all is putting a strain on us. After his excitation fades, he gets hesitant and jealous. But it doesn’t stop him from begging me to go with other men again, and again, and again.
Either we get into this together and we do it in a way I also take pleasure. Or we stop it all and for good. Hubby said cuckolding is the best lifestyle ever. I am his queen and he is submissive to my every desire. Then why can’t he give in to me having an attractive and manly bull ?
Honestly don’t know how things will go, but I don’t think I can stay like this any longer. I was deprived of decent sex for too long.
August 24, 2017 at 10:34 AM #18920Islander
Hi LadyA…. It sounds to me like you need to take charge of your hubby. You will decide how often he cums and you will decide how often you have sex with your bull.
That is the way I see it…. I know you are frustrated and horny as hell so take charge.
August 30, 2017 at 10:30 AM #19016MatureMUK
sadly he is on the borderline between enjoying the privilege of a hot wife and accepting she will have chemistry with any bull whom is regularly fucking her. other side is after his sexual drive that compels in to want you to share body with another guy he climaxes and then reverts to envy.suspicious mode. thats a sign of insecurity. he cant have it both ways.
we may want sit and have a chat and set out a few rules. after all it is your body and whom you share it with is your choice.
by setting up issues when you have been with a bull he is also setting up issues within your relationship. a partnership is about agreed parameters that allow both sides to have an active adult life that encompasses out choices. if we cannot agree to set aside such childish anti social issues .you may want to take a break from sex with bull and hubby …
September 6, 2017 at 8:58 AM #19109Anna Bella
You are spending too much time by listening to him If all you say is true then clearly you have taken all the steps to satisfy him and try to make yourself happy at same time
If I was you I would make myself a profile on a dating site ( just as I have )
I would show him the emails and messages that I find interesting and then make him decide
If he wants me to meet them or not
When he says yes
He should stay home in a cock cage
Maybe even wearing women’s lingerie
You then should decide if you are going through with sex or not on your date
Do not let him know anything unless he agrees to meet your demands of bringing you to orgasm at least three times
Using his mouth or cock
But he can only do that after 3 days and nights after your date
The three days are crucial
He must imagine you with him
He must not know if you did anything or anybody
At that point you may either give him actual accout of your sexual date Or make up one
Either way it’s clear he only wants the fantasy
You may give him that in exchange for your sexual pleasure
I have in the past been out on dates and never been touched but hubby thinks I had a threemome with two guys
On another hand I have been gang banged and he thinks I only kissed on guy
September 8, 2017 at 5:10 AM #19124LadyA
That sounds like great idea. Will definitely try that.
Thank you for the advice
September 6, 2017 at 12:11 PM #19112Anonymous
It is a known phenomenon that the orgasm changes the attitude of cuckolds.
It is because of hormone changes. It keeps for a couple of days then the submissive attitude returns.
Many cuckold couple realised this and started practicing male orgasm control what actually means chastity cage for the cuckold who let have orgasm rare.
When he is in submissive mode he will agree with it. After you enter the lifestyle you have to deny your hubby and give him ruined orgasms if he behave well. It means a handjob what is finished instantly when he starts to cum. If you do it well, his orgasm will not cause that unwanted hormonal changes. It will be frustrating for him but the cuckold life itself will satisfy him.
Also you must learn about pegging (prostate massage). He may even cum by this without the hormonal change and stays in submissive mode and supports wholeheartedly your extramarital sexual activities.
So the key for your happy cuckolding marriage is denying his normal penile orgasm. If he reads this, he will agree this. But make him read this when he is in submissive mode.
September 8, 2017 at 5:20 AM #19125LadyA
Thank you for the advice.
I will read about male orgasm control and try to put it into practice.
September 22, 2017 at 7:41 PM #19229LadyA
Thought it was time for me to post a little update. But first, let me thank you all for your advices. I truly appreciate that.
The cuckold experience, was way better for both of us after I put in practice the advices here.
I made myself a profile on a casual dating website. Had him participate in the selection process. Made sure he was engaged in the submissive sissy husband role by making him wear lingerie, having a reward system for him to have his orgasm, ordered him a chastity cage.
I’ve met 2 bulls like this. Made some photos for hubby. He enjoyed the whole experience. Me a bit less, because I felt my pre-selection process of bull could have been better. I promised myself I would do better next time.
I met 2 bulls in 3 weeks. My sex drive is crazy, as crazy as it can get. I explain this sudden high libido, partly because my sex life with hubby is not fulfilling as he needs cuckold stories to get off. Thus the feeling of me being diminished as a woman. Which doesn’t make sense to me, because I know I am attractive and sensual and open-minded in bed. So anyway, the fact that hubby wants me to go with other men, opened a win-win situation in a way. It was an opportunity for me to get fucked by a man who wants my body and knows how to pleasure a woman.
Now hubby. Well, he thinks he is a perfect little sissy hubby but he’s not. He refuses any form of denial of penile orgasm. He doesn’t respect his ‘orgasm schedules’. Actually, in the last 30 days, he has had more that 2 orgasms a day in average, most of the time without me getting any orgasm. He gets pissed ( he says ‘a sense of revolt’ ) if I don’t update him at least 2 times an hour when I go out with a bull. Then as soon as I’m done, I don’t even have time to grab a taxi, I should start my detailed reporting by phone.
When I’m done with a bull who has his own demands ( specific requests in bed to which I agreed ), I have to deal with the demands of my hubby. I can’t even think what would happen if I got home tired and would only report to him briefly of my encounter and then go to sleep. He would be angry, like really angry.
I am deeply frustrated and sad. I have gone out of my comfort zone out of love, to allow him to have a fulfilling sexual life. I have to deal with demanding bulls, only to come home to a demanding husband.
Where is my loving and attentive husband ? I can’t even talk to him. He is so sooo selfish. Gets easily angry or frustrated, uses sarcasm whenever I begin to speak out about my difficulties as a hotwife in training. I try to convince him to be more submissive. Send him website links to read about real life cuckolding experiences and what makes it successful and denial or male orgasm control is essential. But nothing works. He just doesn’t read them. He basically would be happy ‘offering me’ to a random guy out there, jerking off and done. He doesn’t show any interest in me, what would make me comfortable or happy, doesn’t read the links I show to him about cuckolding lifestyle. He gets jealous if I show him pictures of potential attractive bulls. Even starting to makes jealous scenes about a bull I refused to have ex with who was treating me too nicely.
My life is hell. Like literally. He is too selfish of a man for us to be a successful cuckold couple. It is suppose to be a win-win situation between a loving couple where the wife goes out of her comfort zone to make her husband happy and at the same time she has also makes it in a way hat she has good time, right ?
I’m only losing everything. I don’t feel loved in this setting. I don’t feel cared for. I feel like used. Used by the bulls. Used by my husband. In the end, there is nothing left for me. Not even a feeling that my husband acknowledges my love for him. Its is always about him, his pleasure and how to get the most out of it.
At the moment of writing this, I have shared my thoughts about breaking up with my husband. He still wouldn’t acknowledge any part of his responsibility. He feels upset that I think this is all just a fantasy for him and that he is not a submissive cucky husband at all to make it work. He is claiming I am a terrible hotwife too for not considering black men, getting pregnant by bull, anal with bull etc.
I am shocked to say the least. Its just my sexual liking, I prefer Caucasian males. Mind you, I am no racist you guys. I am mixed myself. Then getting pregnant by a man I have no emotional bond is not my thing. I have never liked anal, so of course I don’t want to do it with a bull for his own pleasure if I don’t like it myself.
Now that he is seeing that I’m buying non of his “I am the problem” bullshit, he is acting nicer with me. Down the road, if things doesn’t get any better quickly, I would be leaving the house with my 3 kids. For me, the cuckold fantasy destroyed more than a decade of love and friendship and an amazing family.
September 28, 2017 at 6:40 PM #19283goodhusband
It was not the cuckolding; it was your husband that destroyed what you and he had.
He is like a teenage boy. And no one takes a teenager seriously. He manipulates you into cuckolding him and then is angry. Your husband is simply a child. He would screw up a good game of golf. And, it would not be the golf that is lacking or the players; it simply is him. Likewise it is not the cuckolding. And, you are not the problem either. It is him. As far as sex goes, it is something which I think you need to enjoy, without him. You mention leaving him; I would say this is very smart. You are a fine young lady. A non-cuckold guy would be lucky to be with you; and, as well, a true cuckold would also be so very lucky to be with you. You are indeed, a gift.
October 5, 2017 at 3:10 PM #19357Ric
I agree with good husband; you seem an amazing woman (you look it too with an awesome body). He’s a lucky guy and should support you in finding a bull that you have some chemistry with and that can give you the fucking you are entitled to. If he doesn’t change his ways he’s a fool! I do hope it works out for you 🙂 – keep up the posts…..
October 6, 2017 at 8:20 AM #19358Andre
your husband needs to get a grip ive been a cuckold for over thirty years and its been amazing and the reason we have the relationship weve got but the major factor is its a joint thing never should any one in this situation feel obliged or pushed into a sexual encounter thatb they are not comfortable with its relationship suicide sex is something to be enjoyed in marriage no matter what shape it takes your husband needs to understand that from what ive read you have gone above and beyond to explore his so called fascination with cuckold lifestyle but believe me when i say that what you have described is not this lifestyle you are clearly a beautiful women and obviously still sexually active so good on you you should be cherished by your husband your a goddess and hes a lucky man if he dosent see that he dosent deserve you i think you need to decide what you want from any relationship sexual or otherwise and tell him what the outcome of that is if he do sent respect that and try find some common ground in what you have to say you need to decide where that leaves you but dont continue on the road you are on it will destroy your soul and i believe you deserve way better hope this helps dont forget true cuckolds c herish there wifes they would never do what your husband has done to you i personally find his behavior offensive
February 8, 2018 at 8:36 PM #20430LadyA
Thank you all for your support. The community from this website and the wealth of information on here has helped me a lot.
AN UPDATE :
We got back to the essential. Our love for each other. Our kids. The amazing things we’ve built together. Focusing on these have helped a lot and let the tensions fade.
In daily life, my husband is sort of an Alpha Male figure. Tall and strong. He is a successful business man, is used to being in control and has a mind of his own. While he fantasies about this cuckold-hotwife-bull dynamic, letting someone else be in control and surrending himself to me is very daunting to him. His personality in daily life is so much in contrast to the cuckold lifestyle he wishes to experiment, it brings him to a point of inside torment.
He wants to be both. The maestro and the musician. The dominant and the dominated. And when it comes to that point, he basically shuts down to me and switches constantly between claiming me as HIS THING and pushing me away in someone else arm.
To help him be comfortable with the idea of willingly let me be in charge and him surrending to me, we doing some simple, yet effective exercises. I literally give him household chores. He cooks. He cleans. He washes my panties by hand. I’ll also ask for him to wear women pink lingerie on some occasions. And when he misbehaves, I would punish him someway. For example, we’ll both lie in bed. I would play with myself with the help of some toys while he watches me and deny his requests to play with himself or with me. I make sure I remind him why he is being denied and prompt him to apologise himself. When I’m close to orgasm, I’ll wrap my legs around his head and rub my quivering and soaking wet pussy to his entire face. When done, before he gets a chance to clean himself, I’ll take a picture of him and send it to him by email. He has a whole folder full of it now. Recently, I had him lie down in the bathtub and pee on him.
We are thinking of continuing like this for the moment while also actively looking for possible bull/boyfriend for me.
Again thank you everyone for your support. It has been very valuable to me 🙂
February 9, 2018 at 9:16 AM #20438alicerai
Hello! I’m brazilian!
I really enjoyed your outburst, and I suggest you read “The Power of Habit” Why do we do what we do in life, by Charles Duhigg!
The human brain is not that simple. You have shown that you are a wonderful wife and are worried about your marriage. Your husband has created an addiction an addiction, if you are not comfortable with this life need not do to please you. But for him to change, it’s up to him. You can talk to him and say that you do not accept this life anymore, and that you want it to change. However the process is time consuming and, he needs to stop seeing pornography. Create a new habit that replaces the bad habit. He loves you just as you love him! hug
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.