Integrating another male into the marriage as the wife’s boyfriend is rewarding and safe when practiced with a healthy perspective and in a responsible manner.
Though some hotwives will date concurrently, that is they maintain a small stable of men they date periodically without exclusivity among them, most wives will have a preference for one and/or date one of them more frequently when able. This is the outward manifestation of the instinct to choose a male for mating vs choosing a male as a partner and demonstrates the need for a wife to have a committed boyfriend. When a couple commits to the boyfriend, as a couple, the boyfriend feels more comfortable making a commitment to them. By commitments, I mean acts and practices which help form a bond and trust between the couple and their boyfriend (bull) which formally recognize each person’s role and needs within the relationship.
I use the term boyfriend rather than lover because being the boyfriend for a wife includes and extends well beyond simple romantic entanglements. I know the ‘boyfriend’ idea is a very intimidating prospect to couples new to considering adding another male to the marriage. Most consider the idea of a single male involved routinely with the wife as a threat to the marriage, but in truth and in practice, the opposite is much more often the truth. Those who believe that keeping emotional bonds excluded or at least kept to a minimum will ensure marital safety are not only fooling themselves into a false sense of security but limiting themselves from many of the most enjoyable aspects of cuckolding. When a guy develops a relationship and emotional bonds with a hotwife, he is invested in the relationship. This means he is going to care more about her safety and needs. Through that, the needs of her cuckold are also addressed since those needs are part of her happiness. A random or seldom-dated ‘date’ will have none of that investment and will view the wife as a disposable moment of enjoyment where he is free to be selfish as there are little consequences to his actions or lack thereof.
Bull vs. Boyfriend
Within the lifestyle, a bull is a guy who has a sexual role (and nothing more) for a couple. A bull who takes on a leadership role with the wife (D/s) is technically her Dom and should eventually be a Dom for both husband and wife to varying degrees. A bull who becomes integrated into the marriage due to frequency and or intensity of the relationship is best considered as her boyfriend. Most boyfriends (and Doms) start out with a couple as a bull. Once the couple and their bull are past the first stage jitters and the hotwife becomes comfortable with her bull, she may pull back a bit. Wives are often the ones most afraid of establishing emotional bonds with someone they have started dating (even though such bonds already exist at that point) and may artificially limit the frequency of meetings out of false concerns for creating a deeper bond with their bull and thereby making him a boyfriend. Their concern is both in getting carried away in the moment and how it could hurt their husband to see such affection grown between herself and another male – one who already has a powerful, sexual advantage over the husband in most cases.
Details you keep from a cuckold will always be more threatening than arousing, so always keep communications open.
By this point, the hotwife has already committed herself to her bull in a number of ways: she’s likely dressing according to his tastes for dates, she may have changed how she wears her hair or gone tanning or even gotten herself waxed to be softer to his touch. Such a reaction to a male who inspires sexual lust in a hotwife is natural and expected – by both the bull and her cuckold. For the bull, a wife who isn’t willing to extend herself in these ways isn’t trying and a woman who isn’t trying isn’t likely to keep her bull, right? After all, if it’s the same ol’ thing she’s looking for, she already has that with her husband.
The whole point of being a hotwife is to have experiences the husband cannot provide. The cuckold may be quite conflicted about seeing you dressing without panties for your bull or trimming and shaving your sex as he prefers, or knowing that you look forward to having your bull’s cock in your mouth while his has never known that pleasure, but he’s also going to be very excited by it because he’s fully aware of it.
Bull To Boyfriend
The behaviors referred to above are some examples of small commitments made by the wife to affirm the bull’s role in their marriage. While exciting and a new adventure, they pale in comparison to what awaits when a couple commits to a bull and in so doing, promotes him to being her boyfriend. Sometimes it’s simply the frequency of their coupling which elevates the bull to ‘boyfriend’ status. Other times it’s the nature of commitments asked for and exchanged that escalate the nature of his role and the intensity of the couple’s experience.
Types of commitments can include:
Taking Him Bare
Most cuckold couples desire an experience where their boyfriend is safely able to enjoy natural coupling with the hotwife, but to get to this point requires some commitments by each side. The couple may expect that the boyfriend only date the hotwife, but for that to be fair, the hotwife has to be available at the frequency that makes such a commitment worthwhile and realistic for her boyfriend. Before moving to inviting a boyfriend to enjoy her bare, consider testing. Read Where Desire & Reality Collide for more info.
The Marital Bed
A bull who has been invited into the marriage and then becomes her boyfriend should be welcome in your home. The most comfortable place for the hotwife to take her boyfriend inside her will always be the marital bed. Obviously this has great mental and emotional consequences for all involved as well. It also means learning to work around having children at home, if applicable. This isn’t always the show-stopper it seems. Read Family Friendly Cuckolding for more info.
Cuckolding is a lifestyle of contrasts well before the contrast of skin color for those couples who choose an interracial path. One of those contrasts is the pleasures and access granted a boyfriend above and beyond that granted a husband. A couple cannot invite a boyfriend into the marriage and then allow the husband’s selfish needs to interfere in the bonding between wife and boyfriend. This often requires the husband give up his primary sexual claim to his wife and accept the schedule or limitations that she and/or her boyfriend have chosen for him. Such denial can take a wide range of possibilities and variations and can include one or more of the following (not a complete list):
- giving up bare sex with his wife
- giving up first-rights (coupling only after the boyfriend)
- coupling only x times per y timeframe
- coupling only with the boyfriend’s permission
- coupling only when the boyfriend is present
For more information, see Cuckold Denial.
Another intense topic for couples is public dating between the wife and her boyfriend. Public dating is enjoyable and rewarding for all roles in the marriage, but for different reasons:
- for the boyfriend, typically and preferably single, having a girlfriend to date and take to parties and social events is very important
- for the wife, having a romantic and public declaration of his commitment to her is very comforting and arousing
- for the cuckold, having his wife and her boyfriend seen together in public, even by strangers, is intensely humbling, which exercises the submissive role a cuckold seeks to enjoy
Whether at his place or yours, being supportive of such quality time together can be used as a reward and demonstration of trust between husband and boyfriend and between husband and wife. The husband demonstrates his trust in the boyfriend taking care of his wife’s safety and the boyfriend demonstrates that trust is well-placed. The wife demonstrates that she can share the details of her time alone with her boyfriend afterward to prove that even when apart, the husband can and will be included in the pleasure she shares with her boyfriend.
There’s no free lunch. As much as I’ve said that a husband has the right to sometimes witness and be involved in his wife’s coupling with a boyfriend, I never said such a right comes without any cost. one of the ways a couple can entice an otherwise reluctant boyfriend when it comes to the cuckold’s presence/participation is by incentivizing the boyfriend’s participation by offering one or more of the commitments listed above.
Having a boyfriend, rather than a bull, is the only way a couple can truly explore the cuckold lifestyle to the fullest dimensions possible. Have more questions? Stop by the chatroom or use the contact form below to email me directly.
Next: The Biology of Cuckolding
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Whilst we may all have slightly different takes on cuckold relationships I follow some principles as a bull (or probably as a boyfriend-given your distinctions above luvr).
1. Understand myself first and why I want this woman. It is always in significant part to do with how she seems and with her husband too. That takes time to know, so its a one relationship at a time thing. There are no other women if I start such a relationship. If she is turned on by promiscuous sex, then I am not interested. Even with sheaths you can run risks down that road.
2. She and I are not machines nor are we simply a peep show for a husband who is primarily interested in voyeurism rather than being cuckolded. So I date my woman and there are loads of time when we fuck private. Of course I am discrete as to where we go. Of course there comes a day when i involve him, as I need to know he is cooperating fully. I like to go out with a couple socially, and encourage the wife to subtly humiliate him. In strange places a kiss shared sends a shiver down his spine as he watches us- but no one else knows the arrangement. Later, I may introduce them to my friends, and she might sit on my knee- knowing that this humbles him before friends. Its about their frisson too.
3. I freely talk about him when I am with her. I never forget that they are a couple and that what I share is an adjunct. You can panic a lady if you forget this, she needs to hang on to both worlds and you must help her. This is the emotional ledge that she cannot fall off. OK you want her to lust for what you do, but she can have this as well as her marriage. It’s a completion thing and not a replacement thing.
4. There is no bareback until I am very sure that we are exclusive and she is ready as well. I like the husband locked up a this stage. Bareback is so sexy, and some ladies want it soon. Their husbands fantasize about cream pies. For me bareback is a ramping up thing-we may have spent time away, I go out with the couple and understand the scene. I take a sexual health check and share the results as part of that commitment before we travel this road.
My wife’s boyfriend lives with us. He has lived with us for almost four years now. He is what we call the King in our bedroom and I am my wife’s and her boyfriend’s man in waiting> I like that.
My wife’s boyfriend is aggressive, as my wife says a man should be. I am not aggressive, in any way. My wife’s boyfriend constantly tells her how beautiful her toes are, and how sexy she is. And I find myself telling her how sexy it is when she is with him, on any level.
Since my wife’s boyfriend moved in, he has made my wife feel sexy, desirable and wanted. He also wakes her in the middle of the night to make love to her. This is something she has always wanted me to do, but because I know she needs her sleep and would never wake her in the middle of the night just to have sex, I never have.
Although I share my wife, often, her boyfriend shares her, but in a different way. My wife’s boyfriend had had friends over to make love to my wife with him. He has also had his brother and his father over to make love to my wife. This has pleased my wife to be able to please his (her boyfriend’s) father, brother and his friends.
Although I have shared my wife with other men, only a few have been friends or men I have worked with. My wife’s boyfriend also plays with my wife’s breasts and kisses her a lot in public, whether I am with them or not. And my wife likes that. She says her main love language is touch, and her boyfriend fulfills that love language.
My wife’s boyfriend is also a body builder and is very confident. He makes my wife feel safe and secure. My wife has never been very sure that I could ever defend her if I had to. And I have to admit, I am not a fighter and have feared other men my whole life. So, her being able to feel safe with him has been really important to both of us.
My wife’s boyfriend is also multilingual. He can speak to others and even defend her when others speak to or about her in another language. This is important as well.
All in all, my wife’s boyfriend has made my wife very happy on a daily basis, and both me and my wife both feel safer having her boyfriend in the house.
My wife and her boyfriend go out together often, and luckily my wife’s son likes having my wife’s boyfriend around as well. My wife’s boyfriend takes my wife’s son to the arcade and to the skate park and goes mountain climbing. I am not much into games, I am not that good on a skate board, and I do not have the physical strength to do mountain climbing. So, my wife’s boyfriend serves a purpose with my wife’s son as well.
I would say that my wife’s boyfriend living with us has improved all of our lives in many ways, and I do not think I can ever repay my wife’s boyfriend for all that he has done for us. He has proved to be invaluable to us all.
I think all relationships should included an extra boyfriend for the woman. Every man knows it takes more than one man to keep a woman pleased but few will ever admit it. As long as your girlfriend or wife tells you she loves you and also proves it, where is the threat? The man has nothing to loose and a happier woman to gain. I don’t think the outside boyfriend should live with them anytime soon but regular visits and maybe a sleep over one or two nights a week is not out of line or greedy for the woman to desire. This new boyfriend should become a good or even best friend to the woman as well as her main man. This would make things easier and lessen any uncomforting the main man may feel. Bottom line women need more sexual verity than men, so give in and be happy. It is logical if you keep you woman sexually satisfied with you and other men you will have a woman that will love you more than you dreamed about. Like an old man told men decades ago, “Pussy is not like cake, you’ll never know when a piece is missing”. That s so simply to understand and so very accurate. You will never know, so is her cheating better than you accepting her sexual needs and experience them with her and have a perfect relationship and a happier woman? I say, give her everything she needs and be by her side the whole way. Thank you, Glenn.
You really do a great job of covering all the issues. If I can throw in a couple of additional thoughts, when I first found out Val was sleeping with John (an old friend of hers) I instinctively was worried that she’d fall in love and leave me — which, given how these things go, isn’t an unreasonable concern. Val did a pretty good job, though, of assuring me that her sex with John was recreational (for lack of a better term). A month or so later I stumbled across e-mails that made it very clear that this had blossomed into a meaningful relationship. Val didn’t want me to know for fear of hurting me. Maybe it just says something about the character of a cuckold, but then, as now, all I needed to be assured of is that she loves me — and she does a very good job of letting me know that, though, as she puts it, “it’s a different kind of love.” Rather than feeling her love for John is a threat to our marriage, I find it to be a huge relief that I’m not the only man she can turn to for the caring and emotional support she and other spouses need (it’s similar to the way I appreciate John meeting Val’s sexual needs — something I simply can’t do). I guess the moral of this story is that a wife having a fulfilling, loving relationship with another man can be a positive thing for all involved. P.S. I should note that, unlike many of the marriages described here, Val and I regard her sex life as a corner of her life that’s her’s alone. I respect her privacy and would never think to ask to watch, participate, etc.
@JimandVal, it’s definitely a more difficult road to walk when the a couple begin this journey through cheating, but being able to work through that helps set a more solid foundation, it seems. With regard to sexuality being her own affair and only hers, we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point. You made it clear that she does a very good job of reassuring you that she still loves you and that is why you can set aside your anxiety as you do, but it’s still my opinion that as a husband, you do deserve a more involved role in her sex life, even if through proxy; doing otherwise, to me, is simply selfish on her part even if it’s not intended to be.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. One of the remarkable things about being cuckolded is that it does come in every flavor. From my standpoint, the overarching issue is that she’s not comfortable with my playing more of a role than I do. On one level, that may seem selfish, but I’d hate myself if I felt I was pushing her into something that she is super uncomfortable with. Once, when I was needling her a bit for more information than she wanted to share, Val said, “I’m doing this for me, not for you.” That’s something I accept and, like a lot of cuckolds, I have eroticized my denial
Interesting and exciting reading. LUVR, you show such a knowledge of the inner recesses of the mind in this realm. I can see how the boyfriend concept demands more emotional involvement on everyone’s part, and thereby, more depth of excitement in the cuckoldry experience. I must admit, a couple of years ago, when I first discovered this site, I thought you were probably just an opportunist who wanted to get at as many wives as possible. Now I can see how committed to your art you are and how much passion you bring to this whole process. Well done Sir.
Since my wife has taken lovers it has brought us closer together. We are both happy and satisified. Her by her lover and me by her happiness.
I’m very satisfied with my lover, but I feel that my cuckold wants more than just me sexually satisfied. He keeps pressing for deep and wildly creative humiliations, and he hasn’t even watched us fuck yet. Is he trying to move in on my boyfriend’s cock? Or worse, push him away?
@smartsexywife, you’d have to get more detailed for me to better understand the situation, but wanting more opportunities to submit is NOT indicative of a cuckold wanting to come push away your boyfriend. Stop by the chat so we can talk about it.
This is a great article because it shows you how intimate the cuckolding experience can be with a boyfreind in the mix. There is truly a bonding process that happens so I hope all the couples on the website get to experience this!