Some guys just don’t work out.
It’s unfortunate when it happens, but it’s part of the lifestyle and has to be a conscious part of every couples expectations. Part of what enables a husband to share his wife with someone else is a confidence that should it come down to ‘him or me’, that his wife will choose the husband over the boyfriend – as it should be. While a good bull isn’t exactly easy to find, they are much simpler to find and replace than a life partner/husband/father to the children.
Every cuckold couple is encouraged to set some clear ‘red lines’ which will certainly terminate any bull/Dom’s relationship with the couple:
- abusive behavior
- attempts to use the couple financially
- attempts to take the wife away from the marriage
- behavior which risks health or legal repercussions
- lack of respect for the boundaries and requirements of a cuckold marriage
The last one is a bit vague, but the spirit of it is that a second male in a marriage has to understand and appreciate he’s just that – an addition to the marriage and not a replacement.
When any of the above behaviors rises to the point where including this second male becomes more a burden or risk than thrill, it’s time to say goodbye.
The inspiration for this article comes from one of our verified couples, 1oQ, and their recent experience with a bull who was rapidly approaching boyfriend status only to step on his own balls by failing to respect the boundaries of a hotwife/cuckold marriage.
Three weeks into my relationship with Ben my husband and I were in seventh heaven. We started planning ahead how I’m going to spend nights with Ben, and when will be the right time to bring him over to our marital bed, and how we would manage it with the kids.
Awesome, right?
At the same time Ben started telling me that he feels like he was in a romantic relationship with a new girlfriend and not with a married woman. He was confused because he felt that he wanted a romantic relationship with me, but he wanted me all to himself and couldn’t accept that I am “taken”, he wished I was single. I tried to explain to him that both my husband and I want me to have this relationship with him, that I also wanted a romantic relationship, and that he would get the majority of my time and attention.
This is where the problem begins. It’s absolutely understandable that he felt he was starting a relationship with a girlfriend – that’s a great sign with regard to her behavior with him. As I coach couples, to expect a guy to be a good boyfriend to a wife, she has to be a good girlfriend to him. This means being available for him physically and even emotionally. Having all these things is what’s supposed to make a guy not care (or even enjoy) the fact that she’s a married woman and not seek more than they are entitled. He has pretty much all the benefits of having a wife without much of the burden, kids or in-laws. What sort of idiot gripes about that? This one.
As we continued I even went to his place and we had an amazing time together, but unfortunately, after taking some time to think he said he was afraid he would fall in love with me, and he decided it was too hard for him that I can never be totally his and he wanted to stop.
This was basically his play to see if she’d leave her husband for him.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed and I was glad to see that my husband was too. I tried my best to convince Ben, but when I realized I’d lost that battle I decided I wanted to at least enjoy being with him for one last time. We spoke about it, and after considering it he asked me if I would spend the night at his place for our last encounter.
I agreed. I was looking forward to spending a night with a man I saw as my boyfriend, even though it was supposed to be our last time together. On some level, I was also hoping that after spending the night I would be able to change his mind.
I wasn’t. My last night with Ben was amazing, the sex was incredible, but it was more than sex. We hugged, cuddled, slept together and could keep our hands of each other.
This is exactly what it should be and if he could have simply enjoyed it for what it is, he could continue enjoying it, but he was shortsighted, emotionally immature and that is going to cost him a sexy little hotwife who would have been committed to being his girlfriend, but alas, he was an idiot.
When I got home I found out that my husband didn’t share my excitement and had a very difficult time during the night. Because I was hoping to change Ben’s mind and show him that I can be devoted to him, I didn’t want him to see me or hear me talk to my husband, so all my husband got from me was two short massages during the entire time.
I totally get her logic for her behavior and she did the right thing by communicating with her cuckold the times she did, but it should never be something a hotwife has to hide from her boyfriend. Being witness to the communication between a hotwife and her cuckold can even help improve a bull’s confidence in the husband’s eagerness to have the role he has and therefore set the bull’s mind at ease with regard to dating a married woman.
Still, even had she done that, it wouldn’t have mattered, I don’t think. This guy was already a lost cause.
I found out that he felt left out and because this was the first time I spent a night with someone else he experienced a lot of anxiety during the entire night. He later explained that because I spent the night it felt very overwhelming. And to top it all even though we (agreed) that I would film part of the encounter I had no pictures or videos to share with him. In total my husband was very disappointed from this encounter raising questions about proceeding in the future.
I have to put this on the husband. Yes, this progressed rather quickly and yes, a first overnight will be very intense, but she had already proven that her husband and marriage is her first concern and had already documented dates with this guy for her husband, so, from a a big-picture perspective, her husband really had little real reason to allow his anxiety to override his sense of enjoyment.
Above is one of the videos taken by this guy that she shared with her cuckold. He had this to review and help him feel involved the night she spent with her about to be ex-bull. On the right, we can see how difficult it would be for her to even grip her husband’s penis in the way she gripped a full sized cock. I’m not trying to demean her husband, but honestly, how can he expect her to not be thrilled about a cock so much longer and thicker than his?
My first assumption after reading of his really high anxiety levels was that he had committed the common mistake of allowing himself to spurt during such an intense experience, thereby altering his mood and making it easier for the anxiety to take over, but she assures me he didn’t, which just means he started out that anxious and never got a handle on it. Again, I can’t really see a reason for him to have such anxiety as she never gave him reason to fear for their marriage or relationship at any point.
Her cuckold also had access to this video (and others, I assume) and while I can appreciate his likely feeling of inadequacy when viewing these videos, he’s always known she deserves better sex.
I also know that she does struggle a bit in how to share her experiences with her cuckold. By that, how to verbally exchange with him about the experience. I owe them a separate article on that, but consider this a public statement of intent!
I don’t see this as a reason to put off future dating – in fact, I see this experience as confirmation of how dating should work. Things went from being an unknown to being very hot and then, ultimately, to realization that he wouldn’t fit the role of a bull or boyfriend for a hotwife/cuckold couple. Perfect! This is what dating provides – a means for the wife to find the guy that does fit into the lifestyle.
My advice to this couple – and the rest of you – is to not focus on what didn’t work out, but the multiple parts of the process and the pleasure that did work out. As the saying goes: we learn more from failure than from success.
Cuhlman, You are missing one very important fact about Ben –
Ben was looking for a relationship that could lead to marriage…
After Ben understood that my wife is the kind of woman he would fall in love with (and not just have sex) , he got cold feet because he had a hard time accepting the idea that his girlfriend has a husband and that even if they fell in love it could never lead to marriage…
All of Luvr’s comments are relevant, helpful and incisive, however I cannot shake off the feeling that this lovely wife has missed out on something that could have been wonderful for her, her boyfriend and her cuckold. 1oQ clearly cared (cares?) for Ben who, although presumably a good lover, is nevertheless an immature man who knew he was falling in love with her. He was effectively offering her his love, which is something that will happen perhaps only once or twice in a lifetime to us all, and in my view it is a precious gift that should not be dispensed with lightly.
Again, I think that perhaps this could have been handled in a different way. A young man (I assume he was younger than 1oQ) who embarks on a romantic relationship with a married woman has little or no idea of the baggage she brings with her; her children and her cuckold, (all of whom she dearly loves), her house, her job, money, mortgage etc. etc. are not things that can be easily discarded. In fact, if she were to do so without due regard for the consequences he would probably find that she is not worth the effort. Perhaps if Ben could have seen and appreciated the terrible cost of thoroughly destroying her family he would not have insisted her being ‘totally his’, or perhaps as Luvr writes – he was just an ‘idiot’.
1oQ’s story does not say if Ben and cuckold ever met or discussed the dynamics of the relationship but I feel that cuckold may have let his deserving wife down. I note that he seems to be anxious that his wife had spent a whole night with Ben without contacting him regularly, but what did he expect she would be doing in the future if the affair had really gathered pace? Was he expecting a phone call or text after each of Ben’s ejaculations, and does he not realise that a display of trust in her is one of the finest gifts a cuckold can give to his wife. Many cuckolds would be happy with just a call or text to let him know that she is with her Lover and then to let his imagination run riot with mental pictures of his wife with another man; something along the lines of “I’m with Ben tonight, kiss the kids goodnight for me, see you tomorrow afternoon Darling”, would be acceptable to most.
1oQ says that cuckold was disappointed at the failure of the relationship between her and Ben, but says very little about how, if any, actions he took to try and put it right; for example did he suggest that they all meet and discuss the way ahead. Did he encourage 1oQ to go that extra mile to convince Ben that he was not a threat to their relationship and that what he wanted was the best for her no matter what, and would accept anything short of parting company with his wife and his children? He seems to have forgotten that the prime duty of a cuckold is to ensure that his wife is happy and to support her in the enjoyment of her chosen boyfriend.
1oQ says she told Ben that she wanted a ‘romantic relationship’ between them, but did she truly commit herself to him and encourage his love for her and return it in kind. She doesn’t say how she felt about the break up, just limiting herself to ‘disappointment’; disappointment is something you feel when the milk in the fridge has gone off not when you finish a romantic relationship with a man you have great hopes for.
Ben’s play for 1oQ to leave her husband is the critical point in this story that need not have been so had it been handled with some care and consideration on all parts. I have mentioned that a meeting between the three of them would have been a good start and most certainly at 1oQ’s house one evening so Ben could take in the enormity of his undertaking if she were to leave all of that to be with him. To help him change his mind, 1oQ could have told Ben that she would be totally his other than to leave her cuckold, her children and her home; this could have included all rights to her at any time of any day or night, in his bed or hers (his choice) and openly showing all others that she is now his ‘woman’ in all respects. She could have told him that she would try to return his love with her own, and confirm that this would not be difficult as she is already part the way there.
Cuckold could have affirmed that he has given up all rights to his wife’s body, that he would move out of the bedroom and that he acknowledges that Ben is now her regular boyfriend. He could have encouraged them both to use the marital bed often and would make himself scarce when they wish to be alone; he would also accept now that he did not want texts and calls when she is with Ben at his apartment unless they wish for it to be so. And lastly, cuckold could have finally suggested that he would purchase and wear a restraint for his incredibly small penis, thus setting at rest Ben’s worry over being ‘Prime Male’; it’s not as if 1oQ would have missed much anyway.
1oQ and cuckold could have then pointed out that her leaving to be with Ben is a move in totally the wrong direction; the right direction would be for Ben to become a close friend of the family and a welcome visitor as and when he wishes. He could have been ‘Uncle Ben’ or ‘Mum’s Special Friend’ to the children if they are young or ‘Mum’s Boyfriend’ if they are older; either way kids are especially resilient to change if they see that there is to be no split between Mum and Dad and that they are both happy. Luvr gives much advice on this subject in ‘Boyfriend Integration’.
Lastly Ben may have accepted these gifts of friendship and love and seen that his demands were unreasonable. 1oQ could then have had a breathtaking and amazing relationship with a man she clearly desires and she would not have been the first to take a crass young man between her legs and turn into a generous hearted real man. Cuckold would be content that his wife is now with a man who has learnt from his silly selfishness and has become a strong and vigorous lover for her.
I agree that 1oQ should not put off dating if all had failed but I feel that cuckold and her would have been happier that she was no longer ‘out on the pull’ looking for another man to take Ben’s place (who may turn out to be less than perfect). She was after all ‘in a relationship’ already.
These are just my thoughts and I wish 1oQ, cuckold and Ben all the best for the future, however I cannot help feeling that something beautiful may have been lost to them, all three, and I am saddened by it.
Very interesting and helpful – this kind of guidance and coaching is of invaluable help for us cuckolds and wives.
However, I also have to say that the cuckold is quite a selfish little prick (pun intended) if he does not realize that it is his duty as a loving husband to let her cuckold him with a stud with a proper penis as the man in the video obviously has.
As usual, good advise and insight, Luvr.