Cuckolding Is Natural
The science is out there to show us how cuckolding, as a lifestyle, is actually a much more a natural style of relationship than what we have been told is best for us.
Starting in The Biology of Cuckolding, I relate my belief that many, if not most couples can benefit from including another male in the role of lover to make their marriage complete. Below is an article I found recently with more academic findings:
Like many bird species, humans form pair bonds and males invest a lot in offspring. But, again as with many bird species, it has recently been recognized that there are a lot of extrapair matings in these supposedly monogamous relationships, at least some of which are initiated by females. One reason—procurement of additional investment—was discussed above. There are two other plausible reasons for a female to seek extrapair matings. If long-term investment is not likely to be forthcoming, a woman might still benefit from a short-term mating if she can gain immediate resources.
There are several fascinating points in this article including:
Males in a number of species respond to the threat of female infidelity by guarding their mate to keep her from mating with other males. A woman always knows that her child is her own, but a man can never be as certain. Men, therefore, value chastity and sexual fidelity in a mate more than women do.
Human males guard their female in this way because it’s what’s expected. Males are raised to believe each of them is an alpha by birth and has the exclusive right to ‘his’ female, but that very assumption is where things go wrong for us. Most of us would prefer to follow than to lead – otherwise we’d be all chiefs and no indians. When a wife recognizes another male for his superior qualities or ability to pleasure her – and therefore increase odds of a successful mating, she is ‘promoting’ him to the alpha within the marriage.
When a couple recognizes that the static arrangement of one male for one female isn’t working out for them sexually, at least, the response is to question themselves, but in reality they should question the societal norms they have been force fed.
Females in our society begin their dating lives attracted to the most sexually appealing males – those who outwardly appear to be alphas. Unfortunately, while the sex might be great, the other areas of interaction with these males often proves lacking and after several failed relationships with what would be considered alpha males, women begin to look at different qualities to establish their relationship and will most often settle down with a man less their ideal of desirability, but much more fitting to be a partner and a father to children.
This doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex with their husband, but it still lacks the thrill, the feeling of being compelled to ‘adore’ her lover and give herself fully to him sexually. This memory, for those women who have it, never goes away.
In this way, women compromise and try to have a balance of what they need, but inevitably, something is lacking. Our society says this is how it has to be, but our genes say something else. In our less ‘civilized’, pre-religion origins, we lived in small groups where a female could find both roles in her ‘family’ group. The alpha who would mate her and the betas who defended and supported the family.
Proper cuckoldry is simply a return to relationships including both roles: husband and lover, thereby making the marriage devoid of the compromise between a male to be the best partner and a male to be the best lover.
I believe what you wrote about the Alpha Male / Wife / cuckold relationship being closer to our evolutionary biology.
Using indirect and approximate means, genes influence human behavior in ways to maximize their success in the gene pool. Imagine a band of humans in our natural state, how we lived 95% of our evolutionary history in bands of hunters and gatherers.
It’s easy to explain how the genes of an Alpha Male influence his behavior to maximize his gene’s reproductive success. He has superior genes and his genes know it. His genes supercharge his libido so that he’s lusting to fuck all the sexy women in the band. His genes make him supremely confident, dominant, aware of his own superiority to all other males, and a natural born leader so that women are irresistibility attracted to him. His genes also tend to make him somewhat disinterested in nesting with a particular mate, because so many women want to fuck him he can spread his seed with no strings attached.
A hotwife’s evolutionary strategy is a little more subtle, but also makes perfect genetic sense. All the females want to mate with only the Alpha Male to ensure they combine their genes with his premium genes. All the females also want the Alpha Male to nest with her because he would be the best provider and protector, better than any of the betas. However, an Alpha Male can seed spread and the women cannot. They all pursue him while he’s free to pursue all the ones he desires. The Alpha Male does not need to nest to spread his seed. The time end energy spent nesting would reduce the reproductive success of the Alpha Male’s most highly prized genes. Women seek him out to fuck him just to get his Alpha genes, so he doesn’t have to nest and be a provider to spread his seed far and wide. Although the women can’t all land the Alpha Male and maybe none ever will because he gets all the milk without buying the cow, they still need a provider mate. Because human infants are so helpless at birth and for a long time after, women need help from a nesting provider male to maximize their genes’ reproductive success. So a woman’s genes drive her behavior to lust after the Alpha Male to benefit from his apex genes, and also to enjoy the loving company of a nesting provider beta male. Her strategy is to put out just barely enough to her provider beta male to keep him providing for the children she has, preferably all of them from the Alpha Male’s sperm.
How a beta male’s genes influence his behavior to enjoy cuckoldry seems paradoxical, but it also serves to maximize his genetic reproductive success. A beta’s genes want to spread his seed far and wide with no strings attached like the Alpha Male, but that strategy will only work for the Alpha Male. A beta’s inferior genes are no match for the Alpha Male’s supreme genes, and the beta’s genes know it. It’s futile and counterproductive for a beta to compete with the Alpha Male; all the women are far more strongly attracted to the Alpha and when push comes to shove the Alpha Male can outmuscle any beta into submission, possibly at the beta’s peril. Any beta male who pointlessly tries to compete with the Alpha Male will lose, and his genes’ reproductive success would be zero. It’s better for the beta’s genes to acknowledge the superiority of the Alpha Male’s genes so that an inferior beta does not even attempt to compete with the Alpha Male. Admitting their inferiority and the Alpha Male’s superiority, the only option left to maximize reproductive success is avoiding competition with the Alpha Male and working as a provider male to get the lesser interest from a female who needs a nesting mate. Although the Alpha Male’s genes enjoy the female mate’s much stronger feelings of lust toward him (so she’s strongly driven to cuckold the beta nest mate), the beta male gets the benefit of the female’s desire for companionship and a nesting mate. So the genes of a beta maximize their reproductive chances by acknowledging their inferiority to the Alpha Male’s genes. As a result, they drive the behavior of the beta to be submissive to the Alpha to avoid direct competition, which the beta will lose. They also drive the behavior of the beta to enjoy being a nesting provider mate for a female.
Although this leaves the poor beta’s genetic strategy for reproductive success far less powerful than the Alpha Male’s strategy, it’s the best strategy his inferior beta genes can pursue when beaten out by the Alpha Male’s superior genes. The beta’s reproductive success is zero when trying to compete directly against the Alpha’s superior genes, and slightly better than zero when admitting defeat and accepting the Alpha Male’s dominant social status. Genes will gladly accept far less reproductive potential than no potential at all.
The lack of ego and social inhibitions on the part of genes, and their impetus to maximize reproductive chances no matter what leads to a final twist on how they influence the beta’s behavior. Genes give bodies powerful chemical rewards for any behaviors that increase their reproductive potential. Ironically, one of the things that increases a beta’s genetic reproductive potential is avoiding a losing competition with the Alpha Male.
Avoiding competition with the Alpha Male very often takes the form of submitting to the Alpha Male’s will in confrontations and watching submissively as the Alpha Male fucks the beta’s mate. What better way to make a beta avoid a losing confrontation with the Alpha Male than by his genes giving the beta a sexual reward for watching submissively as the Alpha fucks his wife? Overrule the otherwise humiliating experience and feelings of jealousy with a powerful sexual reward for submission and avoiding hopelessly outmatched competition. Even better for the beta who knows what’s good for him is to demonstrate that he accepts and even enjoys the Alpha’s dominance over him by performing humiliating acts of submission to the Alpha Male. That way he’s sure to avoid all confrontations with the Alpha who knows he always gets his way with the beta.