Most often, stag/vixen couples simply misunderstand what cuckolding is.
I don’t support the concept of stag/vixen marriages because I believe a husband is clearly in charge sexually, or he’s not. If he is, then he is his wife’s Dom(inant) – if he’s even just passive about her play with other. men, that’s still not in charge, and still being a cuckold, even if not expressing his role overtly.
Stag/vixen couples will present themselves as such because they are against the “abusive” aspects of cuckolding and reinforce that the husband doesn’t wear panties, chastity, or get denied all intercourse. Well guess what? Neither do most cuckolds and those who do one or some of those certainly don’t feel it’s abusive.
When I see couples presenting cuckolding in such a way I typically know their understanding of cuckolding has been entirely shaped by cuckold porn and lacks any perspective into the emotional and mental bond that comes from a couple stepping out of the comfort zone of just dipping their toes and wading in.
You know what that stag does do though? He likes to watch. He likes his wife to be empowered to make the sexual choices. He likes his wife dating and telling him about it. Sounds like a cuckold to me.
it comes down to who is holding the leash…
A self-ascribed stag or ‘alpha’ cuckold is one who wants to enjoy the benefits of a sexually empowered wife while also protecting his ego and not having to be considered as ‘less of a male’. This is, of course, additional misunderstanding promoted by cuckold porn. Being a cuckold is tough – it takes more of a man, not less of one. A wife with a cuckold is empowered to have the best benefits of a life partner and well-matched sexual partner and she will value her husband more for that, not less.
By needlessly protecting the ego, a couple gives up the true return on the investment and never fully explores the emotional and mental potential of having another male sexually involved in the marriage.
It’s common for couples just starting out to be a hotwife couple rather than a cuckold couple – and this is a distinction I support because everyone starts out small and needs to explore their own relationship as well as her relationship with a bull – it’s a journey, not a destination. A stag/vixen couple willfully ignores the potential which isn’t the same, in my opinion.
Who do we see blindfolding her? Is that her husband following her directions, her bull’s directions, or is he making his own choice for their experience? Perhaps the husband is the one watching and actively directing how she is prepared. In both of these cases, I would see this as a Dom rather than a cuckold. If, however, the one watching is doing so passively as an observer, he is automatically a cuckold as he is experiencing this from a position lacking authority in the moment.
Essentially all couples start out as a hotwife marriage because a cuckold marriage is defined by the exploration of the empowerment (of the wife w/her husband) and submission (of the wife and her husband) established and expanded through the inclusion of another male into the marriage.
A hotwife couple (or stag and vixen) are generally ‘hobbyists’ and dabbling at the edges where they are emotionally ‘safe’.
A cuckold marriage has passed beyond the emotional safety threshold to allow themselves the deeper experience when intellectual and emotional boundaries are exercised and expanded alongside the physical ones.
Technically, this could be a Dom(inant) husband watching his wife and her bull playing out the scenario he chose, but with that penis, I can’t really see that and it’s really difficult to claim to be in control from a passive, observational standpoint.
Intersection of Poly
Some stag/vixen or hotwife couples will tell you neither of them is submissive and they don’t get into “all the BDSM stuff”. That’s fine, to each their own, but this would begin to align more with how I view polyamorous couples. Cuckolding naturally requires and leverages roles or a chain of command. That hierarchy can vary as can the depth to which the roles are explored. Some couples are both deeply submissive and will want to seek direction as a couple while others it’s very much pivoted around the wife. The husband seeks her leadership and she, in turn, will typically seek leadership (to a varied degree among different couples) from her boyfriend. While this is natural for our biology and native sociology, it cannot be enjoyed while the socio-normative male ego remains unaltered.
The husband has to find more value in supporting his wife in her role than in just protecting his feelings – feelings based on societal norms, not the norms the couple values themselves.
Submission is simply about trust. When a husband allows his wife to make the sexual decisions (with his support) he is trusting her through action, not just words. A husband who wants to sit on the sidelines but maintains that really, he’s still in control, probably has some trust issues to work out.
Trust & Chastity
The use of (enforced) chastity is something many non-cuckold couples protest and highlight as a something they’re opposed to. Fine – a couple doesn’t use chastity to build trust, they use it to celebrate and enhance trust. It’s not trust in the husband jerking off or not, it’s a celebration of a husband committed to enabling his wife to make the sexual decisions for herself and for him.
A husband who says he always makes all the decisions is clearly the dominant partner. A husband who can’t say that, but does like to watch, well… I’ll let you draw your own conclusions about what that means.
I know I have some long-term members who consider themselves in this category and I’m honestly not attacking anyone – I simply want to help change minds and hearts as I have on the simple topic of sharing the wife to begin with.