What a Dom brings to a cuckold marriage:
Let’s talk about that word, ‘Dom’ and why I feel a cuckold couple should always seek a boyfriend for her who can provide them both the leadership so necessary for most couples in this lifestyle.
A natural fit.
Couples enter into a cuckold marriage commitment for one or both of two main reasons:
- the wife needs (and deserves) a fulfilling sexual experience her husband isn’t able to provide her for one or more reasons
- the couple seek to explore the power exchange dynamics and are themselves peers (both submissives) and would require the involvement of a third party to be able to express their desired role
The first scenario clearly indicates a need to invite another male into the marriage. The second scenario doesn’t require it, but often wives find themselves unable or at the least ill-equipped to take on a dominant sexual role within the marriage let alone a larger dominant role. This logically leads to another male taking that role in the marriage. A couple sets a proper cuckolding foundation by recognizing these realities, these roles and then work together toward making them an overt part of their marriage. This means working toward outwardly expressing their submissive roles, together, for the man they will at least refer to as her boyfriend and hopefully as their Dom or Owner in some cases.
Bull vs. Dom
So many feel a Dom is synonymous with a bull but there are very important distinctions. A Dom is a bull who has grown beyond only a sexual role and attained an awareness of the mental and emotional implications of his inclusion in a marriage as well as experience in what to do with that knowledge to better benefit the couple and not just himself.
A bull may want his girlfriend to wear shorter skirts and make her giggly about not wearing her panties on dates, but that’s really only for his benefit. When I expect such behavioral changes in a wife I am going to enjoy it myself, of course, and take full advantage of the opportunities it presents, but I am also completely aware of how that change is an expression of submission on her part and how observing that change (and being part of it during date preparation) will deeply affect her cuckold (in positive ways).
A bull couldn’t care less what his girlfriend tells her husband about their date, but a Dom understands that a couple must bond over this experience and the way to that bonding is through sharing in the experience. A Dom should facilitate discussions early on to help his couple become comfortable with the language and process of sharing intimate details well outside the couples previous experience.
Where a bull would suggest or demand she deny her husband sex simply to have her to himself, a Dom will do so knowing this will create a need for the couple to become intimate in other ways and is able to teach them those methods and hold them both accountable for making improvements in that area.
As a Dom builds upon positive experiences and lessons with his couple, their trust of him and trust in his choices for them grows. This is the ‘capital’ that powers all D/s relationships. A good Dom spends this capital in ways that will certainly benefit him, but also benefit his couple more. One of the more significant milestones for a Dom is when he can effectively take control of the couples marital intimacy. I use the phrase ‘take control’ purposefully because the idea of it isn’t to limit or deny the couple intimacy – that would be counter-productive – but rather to teach them new perspectives on intimacy and new paths to it.
Much is said here about denial; the practice of limiting the husband’s access to intercourse with his wife. It’s is discussed in several other posts like Cuckold Denial, Cuckold Chastity and Outercourse. You can read those first by clicking on the links above; they’ll open in new tabs so you can return here easily.
For more background on denial, read Cuckold Denial (opens in new window).
Denial is an essential tool in forming the proper foundation for a cuckold couple and their Dom. It’s important to understand that denial does not imply being cut off from intercourse, but rather denying the husband any control over the frequency and/or methods of intercourse. The specific ways denial can/should be practiced will vary with each couple and is up to their Dom to find the best fit.
Denial creates very powerful contrasts and opportunities for expression of submission, empowers communication and intimacy on a far wider scale than the couple knew previously, and most importantly creates a magnitude increase in the meaning and value of many other practices common to cuckolding.
Already your eyes are drawn to this demonstration of outercourse. Now imagine you’re the husband witnessing this demonstration not knowing when or how often this rule will be applied, but trusting that your Dom is going to use this to improve your marriage.
Hypnotic, isn’t it? This hotwife is having her little sex teased and stimulated by their Dom as he demonstrates one method of outercourse. The shaft of his cock stimulates her clit while her fingers provide a variable amount of stimulation to the male enabling better control. Both can orgasm this way where some cuckold couples cannot orgasm together through intercourse. Even for those who can mutually orgasm during intercourse, denial (control) of intercourse can be extremely important and valuable in reinforcing roles and enabling new paths to intimacy. This is something a Dom knows and can work with whereas a bull simply wants to enjoy his time inside her.
Note the beautifully trimmed landing strip. A bull might suggest such a change merely because he likes it that way, but a Dom knows that both of them will be reminded of his role in their marriage every time it’s seen or touched by either of them. Now take note of the longer fingernails. A Dom will encourage and require the hotwife to make use of them to randomly fondle and tease her cuckold simply to enjoy how he responds for her and so her cuckold feels his penis is valued even though and especially because it’s not currently being used for intercourse.
A Dom is in a partnership with the cuckold, working together to see to the wife’s needs whereas a bull is largely in it for only his own needs. For the more self-aware bull, longterm exposure to a cuckold couple, or a couple with the tendency toward cuckolding may find himself drawn more into the mental and emotional dynamics of being the boyfriend of a married woman – this is how bulls become Doms.
Denial isn’t simply about control – it’s also about creating intimacy that can last as long as the couple’s experience in edging allow it to last. In this practice, the couple can stimulate their most sensitive bits for much longer than most cuckolds last during intercourse. This time can be used to talk about their lifestyle, plan upcoming dates or, in some cases, be performed under the direct supervision of their Dom. All of these demonstrate vastly improved intimacy over a few minutes of excited thrusting, no?
Denial helps a couple learn and adjust to new perspectives with regard to the cuckold’s penis. Many wives will tell you they often avoid exciting their husband out of the selfish reaction to expect/demand sex simply because they are erect and capable of it. I want wives to enjoy her husband’s penis for how it responds to her and proves, in a physical way, what they both feel emotionally about their lifestyle. I will require she have easier access to seeing/feeling how his penis responds for her and will require she take a more active/frequent role in fondling/teasing/edging her cuckold as part of his submissive role.
To be erect and aching with need, yet impotent to act on it, is the essence of male submission. Now couple that need and acceptance with the practice of denial, outercourse and witnessing his wife coupling with their Dom and you begin to appreciate how the details add up.
Enforced chastity can have a role in this experience as well, of course. Some couples come to cuckolding because of a foray into chastity where they discover locking up the husband’s penis leaves the wife lacking the cock she needs. Most husbands who desire chastity for themselves also desire to be cuckolded. They know that their wife should be enjoying a better sexual experience than they can provide and feel (sometimes subconsciously) that if their penis is locked up and she finds enjoyment in that, that she’s more likely to consider cuckolding him.
I firmly believe chastity is far more meaningful, enjoyable, and effective when in combination with cuckolding. A wife should never have to give up the thrill of coupling with a man to enjoy the rewarding, empowering experience of having control of her husband’s manhood.
A discussion of chastity and outercourse wouldn’t be complete without also talking about edging. This is a practice that isn’t limited to the cuckold, by the way. A Dom can and should practice this with his female pet as well to heighten the intensity of her orgasm, when allowed, and, in some cases, as punishment when his expectations are not met.
Edging, as many of you know, is the practice of repeatedly bringing someone to the brink of orgasm before backing off (stopping stimulation) or proactively inhibiting orgasm (inducing discomfort to counteract the pleasure).
Edging is also commonly used in conjunction with chastity and ruined orgasms, a practice of allowing the cuckold to orgasm (either by masturbation or edging), but stopping all stimulation to his penis just as he begins to spurt. This has the effect of greatly diminishing the pleasure of that orgasm.
A most beautiful example of how a wife can give her cuckold what he needs, but not necessarily as he wants or expects it. This is a commercially produced video, but still very realistic in terms of what a couple can expect when sharing in intimacy this way.
Below is another example of the confluence of chastity, edging and ruined orgasm by a cuckold couple originally posted in Cuckold Reward.
From what I’ve read about this couple on their Tumblr, he’s been cut-off for some time now. She’s actively dating, but it would appear she is dating a bull rather than a Dom which makes their arrival to this sort of cuckolding all the more remarkable.
One Dom To Rule Them All
An effective Dom will know when/if/how to introduce these elements, and teach his couple how to use them effectively with regard to their unique circumstances.
This is really only one example and narrow look at the numerous ways a Dom can benefit a couple as a leader within their marriage. Is it for everyone? No, but it would fit a lot more couples than most realize and certainly fit most cuckold couples.
Cake, Eating it, and Zero Calorie Icing
A couple who commit themselves to sharing their marriage with another male and entrusting him with leadership isn’t just the wife having her cake and eating it, too – it’s better than that. She can not only have a loving, supportive male in her life and the sexual adventure of a boyfriend, but she can also experience both dominant and submissive roles.
Even having a bull creates this dynamic to some degree because the husband has accepted another male in the marriage, but when that bull is a boyfriend who can lead her (and him at least indirectly), the wife gets to actively explore being more assertive with her cuckold while giving herself more submissively to her Dom.
One of the many conflicts for a cuckold is witnessing some of his own greatest fantasies for/with his wife start to happen – but with her boyfriend. These experiences are often what help enable the necessary trust for a boyfriend to become an overt leader in the marriage.
- Group Sex
- Bare/internal orgasm
Both the boyfriend and the wife have a role in finding the exploration of previously rejected fantasies. For the Dom, each is an opportunity to express his role while allowing his pets to express theirs. This is especially true for those practices which have always appealed to the husband but have been rarely granted or flatly rejected by the wife previously. From the wife’s perspective, such play is often only appealing when she can do it FOR someone she feels compelled to please in a way that she doesn’t feel with a peer like her husband. For the Dom, of course, the appeal is the affirmation of authority and the increased trust that comes with successfully leading his pets down a new path.
As with other aspects, the cuckold is expected to struggle with this but typically his arousal at seeing his wife become the women he always wanted her to be and always knew she could be outweighs his personal loss of it not happening with him directly.
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