Many different forms (and levels) of denial are practiced by cuckold couples and often they have little or no idea why they do it and why it seems to be valuable in the cuckold/hotwife experience.
I explain the foundational concepts in detail in Cuckold Denial, an article from 2011, but have touched on it in a few others as well. Recently a wife approached me through the site with concerns about having started denying her husband sex. As is typical for most couples in this situation, intercourse between them has became a mechanical and brief period where the cuckold is essentially using her sex to masturbate himself.
On one hand, she feels guilty about denying her husband the penetration she offers her dates, but on the other she feels both justified and aroused by doing it and sought affirmation from me on the topic. Their case is a textbook one and I have encouraged her to replace intercourse with other forms of intimacy. They already enjoy some alternative forms of intimacy but I have suggested more visual and verbal teasing in their case and pending feedback on how that is working, I will recommend some ritualized masturbation for her cuckold.
It’s massively important to note the concern she has and give her the credit she is due for seeking guidance on it. A woman concerned about the pleasures of this lifestyle and how they impact her husband is doing the right thing. A wife not worried about it is pursuing her own agenda.
Ritualized masturbation can take several forms:
- edging: manually teasing the cuckold to maximize desire to spurt without doing so
- outercourse: humping genitals without penetration
- proxy intercourse: using a masturbation toy held by the wife as a proxy for her own sex
- milking: manually stimulating the prostate to force seminal release without ejaculation
- ruined orgasm: reducing pleasure of orgasm while sustaining desire and erotic focus
Most couples can and should combine several of these methods when replacing the intimacy of intercourse.
For this couple, I am going to recommend a combination of edging, outercourse, and ruined orgasm. Her cuckold is very receptive to being humbled as part of his cuckolding so I am going to encourage a more mechanical approach to his release – when he gets it. Below is a demonstration of a mechanical release where the goal is to treat his release as the opposite of intimate to maximize the humility of the act for the cuckold while maximizing empowerment for the hotwife.
Slapping the final drops out of his balls is a nice touch.
Unlike the couple in question, the husband featured in the video has a more substantial penis. I want to stress how much more effective such treatment of such a penis is in cases where the cuckold is adequately or more than adequately hung. To take a penis which is otherwise perfectly suited to coupling and treat it as anything but is even more rewarding for a couple than when it’s a small and otherwise ineffective organ for sex. Of course this does depend on the wife actively dating so she’s not giving up the rewards of coupling to enjoy the rewards of denial with her husband.
Counter to common belief, denial is not defined as enforced chastity, but can certainly include it.
Denial, like much of everything else in this lifestyle, is widely variable from couple to couple. Even within a couple, practice of the forms of denial, the terms and duration of them should be varied depending on the realities of day to day life, the frequency of her dating and how receptive/responsive the cuckold is to expressing his submission through accepting forms of denial. Denial, it its most basic form, can be as simple as not having intercourse the night before a scheduled date – something every practicing couple should adhere to as a minimum.
Cuckold Denial
Why and how denial can be an expression of intimacy and love for both.
Denial is Devotional
Retraining the penis of a cuckold is rewarding for both.
Hotwife Empowerment
Cuckolding as an expression of empowerment.
Longterm Denial Effect
Little evidence exists to show any medical risk.
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I love hot anal sex prolapse when the rectal walls have collapsed to such an extent that they protrude from the anus to penetrate my penis into a pink flower.
I joined this site because like many others the idea of your wife having sex with strangers that you bring for her should be exciting. It’s like that fantasy of her being a whore that you are controlling. But unlike many here it hasn’t worked out that well for us well for me anyway.
I suggested her taking a lover so I could watch or be involved in some way. She wasn’t keen but a few months ago we met a guy who understood the arrangement and she went on dates. I have tried to get her to bring him round but she said he isn’t comfortable with that. She also said it wouldn’t be right for our daughter to know what was going on but I am sure she knows something is going on.
We still love each other and are a family although sex isn’t the best and I don’t try to insist.
This isn’t what I had thought it would be. I don’t get excited about her seeing this guy but I accept it.
I am doing (or have done) something wrong but I don’t know what.
I am losing her respect and the respect of our daughter too.
Is this salvageable?
Thanks
this forum has excellent advise for cuckold couples to fllow
Yes, super insightful and has captured many of the feelings and aspects of denial so well. It needs to be understood that this is often not easy for the wife also, many mixed feelings and the couple need to be strong and close.
For the past two months my wife has been rejecting me whenever I want sex. From time to time she promises that if I do not masturbate she will give me a reward, but when I ask for the reward she laughs and says, not today maybe tomorrow.
Once again we have an extremely insightful and helpful blog post from Luvr about an important aspect in this cuckold/hotwife lifestyle. We are truly fortunate to have this repository of knowledge, wisdom, and advice residing within this website.
I started sharing my girlfriend Diane in college. When we were married 36 years ago at the age of 22, it was with the knowledge that Diane would be a hotwife, available to other men for sexual adventures and satisfaction. But at that time, there was no hotwife label, no internet, in fact, we had no information whatsoever about this lifestyle. I thought I was alone in the desire to share my sexy young wife with other men. We were on our own, trying to figure out how to navigate this exciting taboo lifestyle while maintaining a healthy relationship with each other.
We had a hard time trying to enlist other men to join us, due to my intimidating outward appearance, so I encouraged Diane to start playing on her own. On weekends she would get dressed up in sexy outfits to go dancing at local clubs while I waited at home, hoping for her to return with the story of a naughty adventure. The first, and most important thing we figured out was to be open and honest with each other, including our thoughts and feelings.
At the age of 30, Diane started her first long-term relationship, which happened to be with her boss. I was thrilled with the intensity and frequency of this new arrangement. Each day there were new erotic acts, and reports to fan the fires of my lust. Then, about a month into the relationship, my young wife confessed that she had developed romantic feelings towards Gary, although she was quick to assure me that her love for me had not diminished. This really upped the ante from occasional 4 hour trysts with strangers. I found myself on an extreme emotional roller coaster, and it was moving fast! Years later I would find out at this site that I was experiencing cuckold angst. I sure could have used some information about that from Cuckold Marriage Info, back then!
Diane realized that my depression and anxiety over the love affair with her new boyfriend could be somewhat balanced by extreme horniness. That was, until my sexual arousal was suddenly gone due to orgasm. My young wife instinctively knew that she needed to limit my orgasms so as to keep my arousal peaked as much as possible. So without knowing the term for it, Diane started to use denial as a tool to make things easier. Luckily for me, (and our relationship ), she still spent time edging and teasing me while instructing me not to cum or touch my penis. I realize now, after reading Luvr’s “Many Faces of Denial” blog, that this was an alternate form of intimacy that we stumbled upon.
Another thing that we stumbled into was ruined orgasms. Extended sessions of denial, teasing and edging would occasionally trigger the start of an unplanned, irreversible orgasm. Fortunately, Diane was savvy enough to slap my hand away as I reached for it, telling me, “No, that’s your punishment for cumming when you’re not supposed to!” I learned to try and repress my orgasmic urges without much success, and accepted the outcome as I would ejaculate helplessly and frustratingly into the air. A month or two later, I suspected that Diane was purposefully trying to induce ruined orgasms. When I questioned her about it, she gave me an evil smile, and I know now that she had stumbled upon another “tool” to add to her arsenal. From that moment on, there was no mistaking if she intentionally ruined my orgasm. (At the time she referred to it as “milking” which has a different connotation these days.) “Just a milking” was often teased, prefaced with the question of whether or not I thought I deserved it. I even surprised myself the first time I answered “Yes” to that question! I promise you, that when she told me “good boy” as she removed her hand and kissed me tenderly on the cheek, it was more satisfying to me than if she would have jerked it off hard!
Whenever Diane did allow me to orgasm, it was always just before she would be leaving the house for an extended period, so she wouldn’t have to put up with my depression while in a refractory state. She also quickly learned to use verbal teasing to help me post orgasm, to more quickly achieve my normal level of arousal
Another eye-opening statement that I saw in Luvr’s blog was this;
“As is typical for most couples in this situation, intercourse between them has became a mechanical and brief period where the cuckold is essentially using her sex to masturbate himself. ” Wow, I had no idea that this was typical, but this sure described our situation perfectly! From the very start of our marriage, I always had a problem with premature ejaculation. Whenever Diane would gasp or moan in pleasure, I would either have to immediately stop thrusting or ejaculate. It was too frustrating for her when I kept stopping, so early on in the marriage she instructed me to just “go for it” after I entered her. One morning, at the beginning of her long-term relationship with Gary, my wife exclaimed after our 40 second lovemaking session, “It isn’t worth the mess!” She now had a boyfriend to think of who was also her boss. Since they were together every weekday, she always wanted to be clean and ready for him. Now intercourse between us was not only unsatisfying, it was also inconvenient and bothersome. At first she started having me wear condoms, but she really has a distaste for them. Then we stumbled upon what Luvr’s blog refers to as “outercourse”. Diane experimented with different positions, using a vibrator on herself, creating a much more satisfying and intimate experience for us. Outercourse and hand jobs quickly became my only sexual release during her relationship with Gary.
For some reason, I learned to not only accept, but also to enjoy my new sex life. How could this be? Weeks without orgasm, ruined orgasms, only being allowed to sniff and gaze at my wife’s sweet pussy, but not touch it. Why did I find this arousing? Luvr explains that in the article entitled “Contrasts”. There is a link to this article in one of Luvr’s replies right above this reply. I really suggest that you check it out. Basically it explains that cuckold couples are sexually aroused by contrasts between the husband and the wife’s lover. Some of the contrasts are obvious. In our case, I have a small penis, and my premature ejaculation prevents me from sexually satisfying Diane through intercourse. Gary on the other hand, could fully satisfy my wife using only his manly cock. Diane would point out this contrast, while edging me and denying my release, thereby creating our own additional contrast. Gary deserves to cum, you don’t. Gary gets my mouth and pussy, you don’t. I now understand that these created contrasts can be even more exciting than physical contrasts, especially if the husband is physically similar to the wife’s lover. I also learned that these contrasts are also arousing to the wife, something I guess I never really considered, but looking back it’s so obvious
I hope my comments weren’t too long-winded, but I just wanted to give some anecdotal evidence to show how insightful and true to life this information from Luvr really is. I’m glad Diane and I were able to make it to this point organically, through insight, trial, and error. Looking back, it’s actually a little scary to consider how things would have turned out for us if we weren’t lucky enough to figure out the exact path that we did. I certainly wish I would have had all the information at Cuckold Marriage Info at my disposal when we first started. Especially since we started so young. There are many things I would have done differently if I had all that knowledge back then. But that’s just a fantasy at this point, and looking back I have no regrets. I honestly believe our unconventional sex life kept our marriage exciting and interesting, and I’m so thankful for the day Diane walked into my life.
I suggest that anybody who is interested in this lifestyle should make sure they have checked out all of Luvr’s blogs and articles. Spend some time digging into the website, there is a wealth of helpful information waiting for you to discover.
One of the biggest draws to the cuckold lifestyle, for me, is denial. There’s just something so erotic about being denied penetration of your own wife while she allows others to penetrate her any way they choose. How she’ll drop to her knees and suck their cocks with abandon while you’re lucky to get her hand or even your own.
My wife and I practice male chastity and I’m currently limited to a handful of orgasms a year. It’s rare that I’m allowed inside her and even more rare that I’m allowed a full orgasm (most are ruined). On the rare occasions that I’m unlocked for any period of time I’m not even allowed to touch or stroke my penis. Doing so just adds to my waiting for release.
I wouldn’t change a thing!
Cuckolding is very much about contrasts and denial is definitely part of that: the contrast between what a husband traditionally should enjoy and other men should not. http://cuckoldmarriage.info/2013/08/contrasts/
While assisting my wife as she gets ready to be with her lover; I am denied.
While she is with him, even just talking or kissing, then too, I am denied.
If I am waiting home alone while she has sex, I am denied.
If I am watching her and her endowed lover, I am denied.
So much of even the most basic of activities, result in me experiencing much more denial than a non-cuckold man. And a basic contrast it is. But, for me, denial for even a short amount of time, creates a special longing. For me, cuckolding is deeply associated with longing. It is a longing made bitter and sweet. I love my wife totally, and I so long for her; even as she receives the pleasure she seeks; the pleasure I could not provide. I become more and more humbled. I love my wife more than I ever loved anyone. I masturbate when I am denied sex with my wife. I masturbate when as I long for my wife. I then think of the ones who cannot even masturbate; and, I want to run fast from that thought. I masturbate as I think of her with someone better and larger; a lovely contrast for sure. I am denied, but, I not without an alternative. I long for my wife; I love my wife; I am humbled as I feel denied and delayed; I care for her pleasure deeply; I jerk myself off as a cuckold; as the one who longs and is denied; and, the bitter and the sweet, stay deep within.
Wow……….that is a very erotic description of cuckolding and denial……
For most people it would be horror to be denied as a husband but there is such a lot of eroticism in it.
Her denial gives me a much stronger erection and strengthens my intimate desire to be between her legs as lovingly as her lover just now.
Like you, I too feel a deeply loving longing.
Her pleasure, the gift of her lust and love to someone else is beautiful and knowing that she is with him, she lies happily in his arms and all her beautiful warm feelings are only for him at that moment and she gets beautifully banged by his wonderful big, hard cock, which makes her so happy makes my heart beat with happiness and makes me think of her with deep love.
My wife has demanded I be kept our entire marriage.
COMMENT how did it happen? with my fiancée who knows I dream of being cuckold, i work for her to be a hotwife before our next wedding. it will be a cuckold wedding.